Volkswagen Phaeton, Nissan Gloria, BMW 850i: The Dopest Cars I Found for Sale Online

Who needs reliability when you could have a W12 engine wrapped in the finest steel and leather Volkswagen could find? Sure, a Phaeton is just as likely to send you gliding down the harshest of roads in perfect comfort as it is to mercilessly drain every penny from your wallet, bank account, and 401K, but that’s the risk all enthusiasts take.

This particular Phaeton has barely cracked six-figure mileage, and the seller claims it’s in beautiful shape. The seller, however, claims little else in the ad. Maybe send a message asking for some more details.

On most cars, this wheel design would be a travesty. And, sure, the chrome finish is a little much. But somewhere deep in my brain there lies a kid who never stopped playing Midnight Club 3, and that kid is in love.

This C10 is heavily modified from stock but still sports a period-correct 327 under the hood. The transmission, drivetrain, interior, and coilovers are all new, and that restomodded dash is shockingly restrained. They’re normally much, much worse.

I know, I know, why would you spend so much on a C10 when the roof doesn’t even come off? Well, my friend, I have your solution: A bright-orange International Harvester that went from barn find to restoration project to fun daily driver. Just don’t think about the gas prices.

This Scout II underwent a frame-off restoration, but it’s no garage queen show car — it’s imperfect, but that makes it usable on a day to day basis. You could easily pop the roof off, pile some friends in, and cruise out for orange mocha Frappuccinos in your best, most orange sunglasses.

Maybe, rather than a gas-guzzling SUV, you just want some humble transportation. Well, what’s more humble than the mass-produced car, the one that may not have started it all but certainly scaled it all up?

The Model T was marketed as a people’s car, and Ford ensured its factory workers could actually buy them to prove that marketing true. This one claims to be all-original, and certainly has the dust to prove its barn-find merit. Maybe just change out the tires before taking it for a drive.

You don’t often hear someone call an Evo a sleeper. After all, they’re born and bred rally cars known the world over for their performance chops. How can a car like that ever be subtle about its horsepower and handling?

Well, by looking like this particular Evo — and by carrying what it does under the hood. The all-black aesthetic makes the car blend in, anonymous in a sea of other commuter cars if not for the wing. Yet, its engine makes a claimed seven hundred horsepower at the wheels. Not only will that blow the doors off a Hellcat, it’s likely approaching Demon territory. Don’t underestimate the power of a big turbo and AWD.

Maybe you don’t want a sleeper, though. Maybe you want brash, loud, easily identifiable in a parking lot. Maybe you want a fully built out, drag-ready chassis that’ll run mid-eights in the quarter mile. Does that sound more like you?

If it does, allow me to present this 1990 Chevy Beretta. A built engine, a reinforced chassis, and enough safety gear to make the Apollo missions look like a day at the karting track all combine to make one car that never sleeps. Nor will it be slept on, either.

We did promise luxury here on this gorgeous Friday afternoon, so allow me to give you another entryway into the luxe life. This right-hand-drive Gloria was purchased with the intent to make a full VIP build, before the current owner realized how much that would cost. Mood.

You, however, could fulfill this car’s destiny. The Gloria has a turbocharged V6 bolted to an automatic transmission, so you’ll have the power to get to car shows before the good spots fill up without the confusion of left-hand shifting. Just give it a nice two-inch drop, and it’ll look perfect.

You want luxury and speed? Fine, picky, have it your way: An upscale German interior with upscaled German performance, for those Autobahn commutes and Nordschleife weekends. Just know it won’t come cheap.

This M Coupe comes in The Good Color — weird early-aughts yellow — and shows a mere 47,000 miles on the clock. Surely, no catastrophic electrical errors on a two-decade-old German performance car would crop up in such a short distance. Never.

If you want all the good colors and weird body shapes of the Clownshoe but want to save a couple bucks, there’s a solution. Sure, it’s no shooting brake, but it’s still arguably a hatch. And, have I mentioned the glass gullwing doors?

The Toyota Sera is a true bubble-era oddball, and one that seems to be finally gaining the appreciation in the U.S. that it always deserved. This one even rides on lightweight RPF1 wheels, to really squeeze every bit of performance out of its tiny engine.

So you want a small, fun import, but maybe not quite Sera small. Well here’s your Goldilocks middle ground: A kei van with two whole rows of seats that can transport multiple American adults without making them feel like sardines. Oh, and did I mention it’s cosplaying a Volkswagen Bus?

This Suzuki Every wears a VW-inspired body kid, right down to the Volkswagen logo up front. How that’s legal has always escaped me, but I imagine it’s because these cars look so damn cute that no one’s willing to go to court over them. Look at that face.

Or, for just slightly more cash, you could get the real deal. Sure, this may not be the classic sixties-era bus that the Suzuki replicated, but this one has the pop-up camper on its roof. From there, you can look down on all the hippie vans.

This Westfalia camper has seen its fair share of wear and tear, and the pits of rust around its fenders certainly don’t bode well for the car’s longevity. But the price reflects the condition, and this could be one of the cheaper ways to follow your van life dreams. For a while, at least.

I may have said that the Isetta is one of the worst road-trip cars imaginable, but that’s judging a fish by its ability to climb a tree. The Isetta isn’t a road trip car, it’s a practical tiny commuter. Judging it by that standard, it’s largely unbeaten.

This particular Isetta hasn’t fired up in three years, so expect to do a bit of carb work before you can use it for your trips to the office. Once that’s done, though, you’ll have the most unique vehicle in the company parking garage. Just, with a vehicle this compact, make sure no one thinks your spot is empty and dives right in.

Something about a brown seventies sedan, particularly with this front-end layout, just screams important person of business to all who view it. You may not be the CEO, but you’re a person who lives your life constantly stressed to the verge of burnout makes deals. Think this car is worth one?

This 164E may have some sun-damaged clear coat, but the seller claims it runs well and has been regularly maintained. They even capitalized “Gem” in the ad, so you’d know just how good this car truly is. It deserves capital letters.

If older Volvos aren’t your thing, maybe a newer one would suffice. Say, a gorgeous station wagon, with a little blue badge in the grille denoting Polestar’s performance chops. Maybe all that speed is more your speed.

This V60 may not come in Swedish Racing Green, but that makes it all the more subtle as a daily driver. And when you want to mash the loud pedal, the Polestar engineering is still there. It’s just a little quieter about it.

If we opened on luxury, it only makes sense to close on it as well. The hard lines of a classic rad-era coupe would be a perfect companion for summer sunset cruises, synthwave pouring out of the open windows as the sky around you turns from gold to purple to blue. All you need is the right car.

This car, specifically. The BMW 850i, with its smooth V12 and pop-up headlights. The red of this particular car may not be the color you’d imagine as “ideal,” but picture it against that sunset sky. It works, right?