Ford Skyliner, Harley-Davidson Sportster, Toyota HiAce: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

I’ll admit, my interest in cars lies mainly with the JDM tuner scene. But even I, noted believer in replacements for displacement, cannot deny how interesting this car is. A nearly seventy year old car, from a defunct manufacturer, found locked away in a barn? This thing rules.

This ‘53 Packard has a mere 85,000 miles, and is apparently one of only 100 ever built. Some ended up in the hands of the Secret Service, but this one appears to have spent its years rotting away in Florida — and I do mean rotting, given the condition of some of its sheet metal. Still, for $6,100, it’s a beautiful car. It just needs a little TLC.

This, however, is a little more up my personal alley. Not only is this a beautiful FD RX-7, it’s in the good color: Keisuke Takahashi Yellow. It’s even right-hand-drive, for perfect comic accuracy. Slap an RE Amemiya kit on it, with a carbon hood, and you’re set to go.

Sure, the price is a little high for an imported FD (though not out of line with a USDM car), but this example seems to be in particularly good shape. Low mileage, nice reliability mods, and a set of wheels that honestly don’t look great but are certainly worth something. You can mentally knock the price down just from what those will pull in on Craigslist.

But what if your taste in JDM cars skews older, and even more thoroughly Japanese? Look no further than this Crown Royal Hearse, which is wholly unrelated to the whiskey. That is, unless you decide to partake while driving, and end up in the back.

In classic older-Japanese-car style, this Crown Royal has a tiny six cylinder engine — a mere two liters, but here they’re fed by a supercharger. Sure, it’s not as ostentatious as some Toyota hearses, but this one’s probably a little easier to pass off as a station wagon at Costco.

As a zillennial, I am legally, morally, ethically, and contractually obligated to lust after café racers. Their lightweight, stripped-back aesthetic would be perfect for trips around the city — at least, if I had anywhere to store one. Until then, though, I’ll just have to pass these listings on to all of you.

This particular café racer skips over the classic UJM bikes that traditionally get these mods, and instead turns to one of only three automobile manufacturers with a flat engine in their repertoire: BMW. Those cylinders might even keep your feet warm on cold fall rides.

Long before Subaru built dog-toting Foresters and vape-spewing WRXes, it built a practical little city car called the 360. It was Subie’s first car, and it weighed a mere nine hundred pounds. And, yes, it had two suicide doors.

This 360 isn’t perfect, but the seller claims it was restored back in the early 20teens and left untouched since then. Expect a bit of dry rot, and a set of tires that almost definitely need replacement, but the hard work’s probably done — swap some rubber out and go enjoy the world’s first Subaru.

This wildly styled HiAce was the lede image for this blog, but I need you all to see this interior. The photos may not be great quality, but the HiAce itself absolutely is. How many chandeliers does your van have? None? One? What’s even the point?

I am instating a two-chandelier minimum for all motor vehicles with the roof space to accommodate them. Vehicles that are too small, like a Toyota Sera, can get away with one. They’re on thin ice, though.

This isn’t the last car with a flame paint job on this list, but it may be the coolest. This is a fully drag-prepped Camaro: Build 383 engine with a claimed 500 horsepower, turbo 400 transmission, and a wide set of tires out back. There’s a big tank of nitrous between the two rear seats, and the seller claims the car has line lock for getting that rear rubber up to temperature.

What the seller doesn’t explain, however, might be just as interesting. There’s clearly some aftermarket suspension work going on out back, and the seats look to be drag-ready Kirkeys. If anyone can find video of this thing running the quarter on YouTube, I would love to see it.

Sure, café racers are neat, but what about the halfway point between that and a scrambler? That’s right, we’re talking flat track, and there’s only one name you really need to know for that: Harley.

If Harley-Davidson built this bike, today, for a reasonable price, buyers would be lining up at every dealership in the country. They would be young buyers too, something the brand hasn’t seen in years. But, the profit per unit would be far outmatched by Tri-Glides, so it’ll never happen.

I’ll get the bad news out of the way first: This Land Cruiser sports a 350 V8 under its hood. I know, I know, it’s a lot less interesting than the classic Toyota powerplant, but I promise the rest of the truck makes up for it.

Here we have a two-door Cruiser on big off-road tires, with a CB whip out back and a bash bar with a winch up front. The harnesses may be mounted in a way that thumbs its nose at any and every rulebook imaginable, but they’ll still hold you in. Just try not to crash while you’re sending it through the California dunes.

I promised you more flames, didn’t I? In classic Boomer Car fashion, the listing for this Ford Skyliner has some of the worst photos ever to grace Facebook Marketplace. They’re screenshots of better photos, but they still show a car that’s wizened with age. It was a star in its day, but is now content with a simpler, quieter life.

It still sports the flames and pinstripes of youth, but the debris has started to collect on the floor as the seats begin to flake apart. Sure, it needs some fuses, but the V8 still turns over and the three-speed auto still puts the power down. This Skyliner needs a new caretaker, someone to see it into a new era of its life.

Maybe you aren’t in the market for a car so much as a dwelling. Maybe you’ve read too much about the van life, or about endless road trips, and you want to experience it for yourself. Well, boy do I have the solution for you: A pre-converted skoolie.

Skoolies are larger and generally more comfortable than your standard Sprinter or Promaster, and the idea of converting a single-purpose hauler of children into a fully mobile dwelling has an unmistakably twee energy. This truck goes all-in on that, with bright blue cabinets and fake vines around the ceiling vent. In other words, it rules.

The Civic sits before you, taking a long drag of its cigarette before exhaling through nitrous purge vents. “You know, I was a hit back in the day,” it says, its voice heavy with years of nicotine and regret. “Back then, in the aughts, this was what everyone wanted. People looked up to me, I was desirable.” Another drag. “I was somebody.”

“I get it. Tastes change, and cars like me get left behind. We’re too much, built too specifically for a look that’s out of fashion. We fly too close to the sun, and when our wings melt off or our intercooler hoses leak, the community that would have caught us is long gone. No one wants the smoothed-over drag-strip body kits, the big wheels with the thinnest of sidewalls, and taking all that off is just too tall a task. Cars like me, we sit outside and rot.”

Another drag of the cigarette.

“God, we had fun, though.”

The United States got into the Evo game late, but we’re slowly starting to catch up on the early seasons. As the 25-year law rolls on, more and more of those bedroom-poster cars are becoming legal to bring in. Sure, they may not have the punch of a GR Corolla, but they certainly make up for it with fog lights.

This particular Evo IV has all the standard accoutrements: 4G63 engine, manual transmission, big wing and bigger front air intakes, but it has something special: A GTI tartan-tier interior fabric. What does your GR Corolla have to say about that?

Typically, among the Jalop staff, I’m the designated LS Hater. They’re old tech, they’re a boring swap, and they’re generally just not particularly interesting. For this BMW, however, I’m willing to make an exception.

It’s unclear what particular E46 3 series this body used to be, but anything that would’ve differentiated it is long since gone. This is lowered, widebodied, with its bored-out LS spitting exhaust straight out the hood and a turbocharger where the headlights should be.

Incredibly, this E46 doesn’t appear to be a drift car — with no pitbull-style front end, hydraulic handbrake, or dual-caliper rear, it appears to be set up for grip driving.

Maybe you aren’t about that racecar life. Maybe you just want a car that looks, and drives, like a friend. Something with the approachable face of a classic, but the reliability of a much more modern chassis. Also, something small, and therefore cute.

Your prayers have been answered, and they come in the form of the Subaru Sambar Dias Classic. This re-body of the ‘90s Sambar was entirely factory — Fuji Heavy Industries actually shipped cars that looked just like this. Look at that face, that roofline, that color. How can you say no to that?