This is a warning. Top Gear's Rutledge Wood and Adam Ferrara are in New York today promoting the new season, which premieres tomorrow at 9 PM EST/8 PM CST on HISTORY.

In advance of their show they've deposed me as leader of Jalopnik in a bloody coup attempt. I am writing to you from a secret bunker somewhere in Virginia. Hide your wagons. Hide your children. Hide your sprite-based cocktails.

UPDATE: I've taken control back from the usurpers. I shall now return Jalopnik to its former glory.

I have no control. They are in charge. Gawker Media takes no responsibility for what's about to happen.


May we be saved by the power of Zuul.