All Your Friends Are Terrible Drivers

Illustration for article titled All Your Friends Are Terrible Driversem/em
Photo: Home Alone
CountersteerYour true stories of good and bad things that happen in cars.

Everyone has one of these, a person in their lives who they are absolutely terrified to drive with. This person could be a friend, a family member, a coworker. Or maybe it’s you!

Last week, I asked you guys to spill on that one friend you’re scared to get into a car with. Are they erratic, panicky or just way too confident? Are they aggressive phone-users? Over-estimate their ability behind the wheel? All of these things?


The most terrified I’ve been as a passenger happened when I was riding in the car with a friend’s dad. Now, this dad was a real nice guy, but absolutely petrified to be behind the wheel.

And it didn’t help that his mother was in the passenger seat, panicky to be in a car in the first place screaming at him to slow down on the highway. We were the ones going 55 in a 65. He’d brake to merge. It was so, so bad.

Your turn. Who are you scared of?

Yield (HighClassJanitor)

Someone needs to have a talk with this person ASAP.


Gus (Sovande)

What’s Gus up to now?


Fatal Attraction (MattRFrankenBenz)

Crush, gone.


Wake Up Call (scratched cornea)

Swerve, swerve, swerve.


Call Him Out (rcasi)

These people need to be called out.


Bad Porsche Driver (mnmrosen)

I’ll pass on a ride in your Porsche.


Dad (Mr. Blandings)

Breathe, just breathe. And then speak.


Eyes Wide Shut (Keep It Classy

I am floored.


Eminem (disco_tango_whiskey)

It’s good music to work out to, admittedly.


Situational Awareness (SlothLovesChunk)

That’s real important for driving.


Boss (It’s a “Porch-uh”)

Now the meetings are arranged separately.


Hills (Coreboy)

Yeah, those affect your speed.


Best Friend (Hayden Lorell)

That’s when you become the driver for everything.


Speeding Ticket (Justin Culmo)

Never had one! Wonder why?


Cop Story (Larry)

That training doesn’t guarantee anything.


Family Rundown (PttyBlue43)

I enjoy all the names you gave them.


Don’t Drink and Drive (Brick HardMeat)

Don’t drink and drive, don’t drink and drive.


Johnny (HarkPtooie)

Johnny needs to keep his eyes on the damn road.

Writer at Jalopnik and consumer of many noodles.

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“BUT GOD FORBID I bring up our driving histories, because her 0-speeding ticket record makes her a better driver than me with my (estimating) 30-40 lifetime speeding tickets.”

I feel like everyone in this story is a shitty driver.