The Objectively Good Cars That Jalopnik Readers Hate

Despite their strengths, some of us hate perfectly good cars for no good reason. It may even be because of their strengths that we can't help but roll our eyes at certain cars, such as Toyotas that annoy us with their record for reliability. Or specifically the Tesla Model 3, which has done much of the heavy lifting needed to make EVs more accessible in the U.S.

Some of us just can't forgive these poor Teslas for their connection to Elon Musk, no matter how much the billionaire tries to blend in with us mortals by convincing us that he often eats and enjoys spiral-cut whole potatoes. Or spiropapas, as we call them in the Rio Grande Valley.

(Sorry, Elon. We can't rally behind you and your Twitter antics, no matter how many spuds you eat.)

And so it is with our readers, many of whom feel a terrible loathing towards the Model 3. Indeed, hate is just as unmoored from logic as love. We asked our readers to don their Evil Kermit cloaks and confess about the objectively good cars they nonetheless hate. Here's the Jalopnik reader shit-list:

Minivan.

The amount of crap I got from coworkers when I got it and even today from car experts about how bad a Minivan is is insane.

Minivans are dang near the perfect vehicle. Need to carry a soccer team? Check. Check Need to carry 4x8 sheets of plywood? Check. Good on highway? check, reasonable gas mileage for the size? Check. Easy to drive in a city? Check.

They are objectively great vehicles for almost all of life and there is an irrational hatred of them.

[...]

Submitted by: hoser68

And...

Minivan is a good answer. I feel like I'd never want to own one, but a year or so ago I had to rent a vehicle while I was moving, and it was nearly impossible to rent moving vans or trucks, so I ended up getting a minivan. And man, it was great. Stowing the seats made the whole thing effectively a cargo van. The ride was smooth and it had lots of features that made driving a better experience.

Submitted by: NoWaitComeBack

Model 3. (Really all Teslas).

Until he goes away, for whatever reason I cannot separate the cars from that lying pasty skinned megalomaniac and his Stans defending him.

Once that happens, I'm happy to consider one.

Submitted by: J-BodyBuilder – Never stick to sports

And...

This'll be the thread where people admit Tesla's are "objectively good."

Submitted by: dolsh

The last few years of Honda Civic Type R. It's a great car for sure, but I can't get past the stupid looking aero.

It looks ridiculous.

Submitted by: Unacceptable Dry Scones

Guy at work had one. He was insufferable. Lectured me one day after I passed him on the highway in 2nd gear on my BMW K1300. I reminded him he was going rather slow.

Submitted by: Bob

And...

I came looking for this. Granted it's mostly the drivers of Priuses that are awful, I have driven one and it's like driving a refrigerator. It's an appliance to get you from A to B.

Bonus And...

Thaaaaaanks!

Submitted by: RedRaiderEducator

Modern full-sized pickup trucks rigged and marketed as family haulers and daily commuters – oversized impractical vehicles with 4 full sized doors, luxury interiors, soft rides, short boxes and lousy gas mileage. They are great for towing, but, most sold are not fitted to be work trucks. And too big to fit properly in most parking spots.

90 percent of the people driving them never tow anything, and seldom use the truck bed for anything but hauling groceries, and the occasional suitcase.

Submitted by: Lou Guay

Ferrari, the brand. This isn't a knock on the cars themselves, but I would never own one, even if money was not a consideration. I grew up in a time where their logo and branding was adorned by some of the most scummy people you can imagine. Too tight ferrari polos, ferrari pumas, ferrari baseball hats, ferrari sunglasses, ferrari jackets... even ferrari cologne (which I have, it was a gift). Yes other brands have all this too, but man something about the Ferrari brand attracts the cringiest of people and its really left a poor impression of the brand for me. Doesn't help that the brand itself has acted petty and scummy over the years, further fueling the negative image I have of the brand.

Submitted by: Atomic

ALLLLLlllll the big ones. You know what I'm talking about. I've finally come to the conclusion that this battle is over, as especially as the market convinces itself that More Battery = Better. I've also started reminding myself that people should drive what makes them happy, just as I do.

The problem is that I think one of the big ones is going to kill me. I drive a little hatchback, and sometimes a little 2+2, and sometimes another little 2+2. And all of those cars are going to be turned into powder when one of the big ones hits me.

So, while there are many, many big vehicles that are objectively good, I hate all of them. But I'll do my best to come to terms with all of that.

P.S. Any vehicle taller than 7' should be banned from the left lane. I'm using it better and more safely than they are.

Submitted by: DGUTS

And...

Huge SUVs. Especially, but not limited to, the 4-tonne monstrosity that is the new electric hummer.

I get it, sometimes you're a family man and you have spawned an entire youth soccer team that also has to bring their own goal nets and can only travel to their practice field by yacht, so you need all those seats AND the storage space AND the towing capacity because you're doing all those things at the same time all the time, but by god one of these days the near miss with a Suburban running a stop sign because the driver (sole occupant, by the by) was too busy texting is actually going to be a full-on hit and I'm going to be taffy wrapped in leather atop a shiny and chrome abstract sculpture of a 70s motorcycle.

Submitted by: TheSchrat

I hate the McLaren F1 just because I'll never own one

Submitted by: HotSauceIsTheBest

Anything BMW. They all look like matchbox cars to me. And the way Jalopnik fawns over them.

Submitted by: Xanthophyll

Nissan Rogue. I've softened on the new looks, but the Talltima sort of represents in my mind the SUV-ification of all things. It handles like a bad 90s videogame and the drivers typically do Altima things with them. I know it's not a bad car, they just irritate me on a cellular level.

Submitted by: racerx509

Any crossover SUVs. Objectively, they tick a lot more boxes than sedans don't. They are easier to get into and out of for people, the higher driving position is nice, they can usually do some very light off roading a bit better, and there is generally more space inside. Subjectively, though, they are almost universally tall and ugly and largely responsible for killing a lot of cool, sleek sedans.

Submitted by: Connor

And...

Every... single... crossover.

Submitted by: Weeks

911's.

Every goddam one looks the same for 40 years and I'm not a dentist pretending to be an F1 driver. I've only driven one once, about a 2015, and all that weight in the back was weird. Don't want to join that cult.

Submitted by: ftyperbruin

The Crosstrek. Great little car, good for commuting, errands, and camping. Around where i live the awd is useful and people actually drive them off road a lot. But, soooo.... sloooooow. I owned one, I loved it! It got in a wreck and was totaled. I'd be the first one in line at the Suabru dealer if they dropped the turbo in it

Submitted by: WayDude

The Mazda MX-5 or as you call them Miata. I know people love them. I know they are a 'good' car. I hate them. I can't even stand people talking about them. I manage an Auto Parts store and cringe everytime I have to look up parts for one. I have no reason for this. It's just pure, unadulterated, unexplained HATRED.

Submitted by: Buzzmacher791

Basically every Toyota. Their interiors, driving dynamic, infotainment, and looks are all pretty much universally bad and I try to avoid them for rentals. They're such an objectively good brand that the waitlist for a Rav4 Prime or mid-trim Sienna is about difficult to get on as the Ford GT, but I don't like any of them (except maybe the Supra, but I've never driven one).

Submitted by: engineerthefuture

And...

The Toyota "Coupe High Rider" (yes, really) C-HR, or really any car that a marketing department decides from a small focus group that targets "the youths". The design was so busy and incoherent with its weird angles and 10th Gen Civic-esque taillights it gave me a migraine just looking at it.

But hey, maybe Toyota was on to something. Limited practicality and a miserable CVT might be just what the Gen Z'ers are looking for. Originally slated to be launched as a Scion model, it likely found more homes in that demographic than the Boomer-driveway-ornament xB that it indirectly replaced.

Submitted by: paradsecar

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