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There Is Nothing Funny About The Very Real Threat Of Scooters Causing Mayhem During Hurricane Dorian

Illustration for article titled There Is Nothing Funny About The Very Real Threat Of Scooters Causing Mayhem During Hurricane Dorian
Photo: AP

Miami residents have a lot to worry about this Labor Day weekend as Hurricane Dorian closes down on them. The risks they face as a potentially deadly hurricane looms in the near future is absolutely not a joke. There is nothing funny about the whole situation, which could cause billions of dollars in damage and result in the loss of human life.


And it is most certainly not funny, not at all humorous, that one of the threats facing Miami residents, one of the dangers civic officials are worried about, as reported by Bloomberg, is flying scooters:

Florida is facing its first major storm in the age of dockless scooters. Miami — home to a large proportion of them — isn’t taking any chances.

The city has told all rental services to get their conveyances off the streets by Friday lest they fly perilously through the air when Dorian reaches land over the Labor Day weekend, according to Ken Russell, a municipal commissioner.


What was that? Did I just hear you giggle? You absolute monster. There is nothing even remotely comical about a scooter flying through the air only to club an innocent bystander. How dare you laugh at the idea of this Mobility As A Service solution mobilizing its way right through some poor bastard’s window? What kind of a lowlife finds humor at the warning from government officials that a marginally unprofitable electric scooter capable of 13 mph on a good day catching flight due to hurricane-force winds, wreaking havoc and causing death from above?

In all seriousness, we hope everyone in the wake of the storm stays safe.

Former Senior Reporter, Investigations & Technology, Jalopnik

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Who knows, maybe those scooters will finally take off?