The Top 84 Lemons of the Capitol Offense 24 Hours of LeMons

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The "Washington DC" 24 Hours of LeMons race (held at Summit Point Motorsports Park in West Virginia) took place a couple of weeks back, and it was one of the all-time best!

First of all, a huge German luxury car took the overall win, then a Subaru-engined East German car won the Index of Effluency, we had our first-ever supercharged GM 3800 and the first-ever BMW V12-powered Ford Thunderbird... and after that we enjoyed a machine-gun-versus-Chrysler-Sebring Second Amendment Extravaganza. Gotta love West Virginia's lax full-automatic-weapons policies (and the cheapness of used Sebrings).

Next weekend, get ready for the B.F.E. Grand Prix in Colorado; I was AWOL at the last couple races— something about getting married— but the LeMons Supreme Court will be in full arbitrary-justice effect at High Plains Raceway.

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Not enough LeMons action for you? Check out the top lemons of past races: Altamont '07 • Arse Freeze '07 • Altamont '08 • Ohio '08 • New England '08 • South '08 • Texas '08 • Arse Freeze '08 • Texas Spring '09 • South Spring '09 • Reno '09 • New Orleans '09 • New England '09 • Buttonwillow '09 • South Fall '09 • Ohio '09 • Texas Fall '09 • Arse Freeze '09 • Phoenix '10 • South Winter '10 • Texas Winter '10 • Sears Point '10 • Detroit '10 • New Orleans '10 • Goin' For Broken '10 • South Spring '10 • Dallas Summer '10
Photographs by Nick Pon, Team Big Red, and FinalGear.
Disclosure: Murilee Martin gets crazy baksheesh for his work on the 24 Hours of LeMons Supreme Court

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1. Sgt Schultz Zwei, Mercedes-Benz S500
Winner on laps

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2. Duct Tape Motorsports, BMW 318iS
Winner, Class Good

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3. Tiger's First PGA (Probably Gettin' Arse) Racing, Mercury Cougar XR7
Winner, Class Bad
Winner, Least Horrible Yank Tank

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4. Team Paisley, Subaru Impreza

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5. Mod Squad Racing, Toyota MR2

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6. Team Pro-Crash-Duh-Nation, Alfa Romeo Milano

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7. Near-Orbital Space Monkeys, BMW 528e

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8. The Volvo ElCowMino, Volvo 240
Winner, Grassroots Motorsports Most From The Least award

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9. Government Motors Racing, Mazda 626

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10. Deconstruction, BMW 318

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11. Dai Mondai II, Toyota Corolla

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12. Booby Prize Racing, Nissan 200SX

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13. FASTish & The FURRiest, Volvo 240

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14. Keystone Kops, Volvo 240

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15. The B Team, Ford Escort LX

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16. Nemesis Ridiculi, Nissan 240SX

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17. Track Pillagerz!, Buick Le Sabre

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18. Cow Patch Kidz, Audi 80

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19. World Class Motorsports Livers, Geo Storm

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20. The Bridesmaids, BMW 535i
Winner, Big Tool award

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21. Ricky Bobby/Laughing Clown Malt Liquor, Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupe

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22. Greenhouse Gassholes, BMW 325e

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23. Rusty Bolt Racing, Porsche 944

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24. Track Daze of Thunder, Volkswagen GTI

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25. Fissure Brothers Racing, Toyota Celica

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26. No Whammies, Honda CRX

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27. Ghetto Motorsports, Eastern Chapter, Chevrolet Malibu

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28. Team Cardorks, Acura Integra

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29. Shallow Pockets Racing, Volkswagen Golf

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30. Team Margaritaville, BMW 325

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31. Schumacher Taxi Service - Revenge of the CoROLLa, Toyota Corolla FX-16

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32. Big Red, Geo Metro Convertible
Winner, Class Ugly

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33. Elmo's Revenge, Saturn SL2

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34. Gasholes, Ford Mustang

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35. Obamacare, BMW 325iS

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36. MTV's Jersey Shore Racing Team, Dodge Daytona ES

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37. Sinical Racing, BMW 325i

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38. Team 44 Cup, Porsche 944

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39. FML Motorsports, Ford Mustang

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40. Overengineer'd Racing, BMW 325i

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41. Morrows Auto & Woodstock's NAStiCAR Quest For the Holy Nickelbag, Pontiac Grand Prix
Winner, Best Carbureted

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42. DIRTy e-Thirties, BMW 325e

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43. Final Gear: Bootleggin' It, Pontiac Grand Prix

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44. Days Of Plunder, Saturn SC2

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45. Metro-Dade Vice Squad, Mazda RX-7

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46. We Are Fubar, Pontiac Grand Prix

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47. The Nerd Herd, Infiniti J30

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48. Please Start! Racing, Plymouth Acclaim

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49. Nutjob Racing, Honda Civic Wagovan

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50. Huntin' Tewwowist Wabbits, Mitsubishi Eclipse

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51. Maryland Scratchers, BMW 535i

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52. Team Chickin Lickin, BMW 325

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53. BuckSnort Racing, BMW E30

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54. Funky Kong, Fiat X1/9

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55. Misfit Toys Racing, Wartburg 311
Winner, Index of Effluency award

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56. Dorks of Hazard, Dodge Charger

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57. Mannschaft Panzers, Audi 4000 Quattro

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58. Dai Mondai I, Toyota MR2

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59. GoGodyne Racing, Nissan 300ZX

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60. DOS Boot Racing, Volkswagen GTI

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61. The Meat Wagon, Honda Civic

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62. Team Police Brutality, Lincoln Mark VIII
Quickest lap time of race (1:55.113)

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63. Team Cosworthless, Ford Escort

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64. Schumacher Taxi Service: GI Slow, Toyota MR2

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65. Scuderia Fluffball, Fiat 128
Winner, Organizer's Choice award

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66. The Lemon Juicers, Ford Mustang LX

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67. Team Self-Tapping Screws, Chevrolet Camaro

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68. Top Fool Elemonator, Subaru Impreza

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69. DeCuzzi Racing Tele tubby formerly Speed Racer Style, Pontiac Fiero

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70. Morrows Auto & Snoopy's Quest For the Holy Nickelbag, GMC 1-ton Van

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71. Trophy Wife Racing, Toyota MR2

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72. Oil Pains, Pontiac Grand Am

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73. ReVolvolution Racing, Volvo 850 Wagon

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74. Adopted By Jets, Saab 99

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75. Team Nein24, Porsche 924
Winner, Judges' Choice award

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76. BoneYard Racing, Dodge Neon

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77. The E-Lemon-ators, Mercury Cougar
Winner, Heroic Fix Award

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78. Pimpalicious, Cadillac Seville SLS

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79. Baghdad Taxi, Honda CRX

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80. Scuderia Limoni, Alfa Romeo Milano Verde

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81. Champions On Fire, Nissan 240SX

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82. Stugots Racing, Ford Thunderbird

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83. F.A.C.E. Racing, Pontiac Fiero

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84. Team Police Brutality - Beating Up Breast Cancer, Ford Thunderbird