Customized cars for the rich and famous are nothing new, but recent years have seen a stomach-churning rush of poor taste, superficial flash, and regrettable paint selections. These are Jalopnik's reader choices for the ten worst modified celebrity cars.
Before the gripes start: No, no insanely donked/neon'd/candy-painted/Lambo-doored rapper rides. Ludicrous (Ludacris?) excess has been a part of hip-hop culture since it first moved out of DJ Kool Herc's Bronx rec room. Splice that in with the gaudy impeccably-crafted glory of the lowrider scene and you've got a whole 'nother thing going on that merits a certain respect, even if it's a bit hard to take in sometimes.
Welcome back to Answers of the Day — our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
Photo Credit: West Coast Customs
10.) Sonny and Cher's Ford Mustangs
Suggested By: Ralph Wiley
Why it's a crime against humanity: Badly-modified cars are not a new phenomenon. Kustom kar king George Barris worked his dark magic on a pair of helpless first-gen Mustangs for the awkward-looking couple in the mid-Sixties. A handful of pointless changes renders a once-brilliant design dull and clumsy.
9.) Tommy Chong's Toyota Prius
Suggested By: I Can Be Stig?
Why it's a crime against humanity: I've maintained for a while that more customized Prii would be great. They're not going away anytime soon, so why not do something interesting with them? Go with stuff like intricate paint jobs, interesting wheels, heaps of frivolous and fun accessories, anything to help shed the smug-nerd blandness that it exudes.
Tommy Chong, who used to be funny, did exactly none of this to his Prius. If anything, it's more boring and it looks like he broke it.
Photo Credit: Hippy Motors
8.) Hulk Hogan's Dodge Viper
Suggested By: Fighting Polish
Why it's a crime against humanity: Vipers were pretty loud and extroverted from the factory, and Terry Gene Bollea is one of the more recognizable faces in America as it is, so is this necessary? Personal branding (marketing, not hot-iron) may be a thing now, but there are limits.
Photo Credit: duPontREGISTRY.com
7.) Chris Brown's Lamborghini Gallardo
Suggested By: peejaybee
Why it's a crime against humanity: The airbrush job (yes, it's real paint) on the short-tempered singer's Gallardo deserves a special mention for its offensive degree of historical obliviousness. The design was apparently inspired by a post-D Day North American P-51D, which valiantly flew into battle against Axis powers like Germany and Italy. This is not the most appropriate design for an Italo-Teutonic supercar, to say the least.
6.) Paris Hilton's Bentley Continental
Suggested By: TheKlic
Why it's a crime against humanity: Thankfully, it seems that the moment has passed for America's number one celebutante sex toy. We are still left with too many mental images of a lifestyle that defined a pretty dreadful decade, which included this West Coast Customs-molested Bentley.
5.) Sylvester Stallone's Ford Mustang Convertible
Suggested By: GuacamoleFire
Why it's a crime against humanity: Mustangs are so common that a touch of personalization can be a good thing. Sly Stallone has a reputation as a pretty intelligent human being and a car enthusiast. How this was done to the first by the second defies easy explanation.
Video specifically selected to up the celeb-scuzz factor to maximum.
4.) ANSWER Jessica Lawlor's Bentley Continental
Suggested By: ∞Gîmmî∞Sagaŋ∞ðm∞Drakeŋ∞Visiting∞From∞Negative∞Earth∞
Why it's a crime against humanity: Jessica Lawlor isn't so much the celeb here; her boyfriend English soccer/football player Stephen Ireland is. She just gets to fulfill her WAG duties in this abomination of a bastardized Continental drophead, which is subjected to increased amounts of vandalism on a fairly regular basis.
Photo Credit: Pistonheads
3.) Will. I.Am's IAMAUTO
Suggested By: cianha
Why it's a crime against humanity: What started as a helpless DeLorean wearing a WCC clown suit has now taken on a life of its own, supposedly forming the basis of a new car company. To say that there's a few gaps in the story does a disservice to the degree of fantasyland insanity going on here.
And the car is just sad in the first place, anyway.
Photo Credit: IAMAUTO
2.) Nigo's Mercedes-Benz 300SL
Suggested By: TreeGuy
Why it's a crime against humanity: The Mercedes 300SL is one of the most perfect automotive creations ever. You don't change it. You don't have AMG put in a new engine and transmission. You don't wrap it in horrid camouflage vinyl. You take it and drive it and appreciate it for what it is. And all the money from selling streetwear with a fun name doesn't exempt you from these rules, now, ever, period.
I'll calm down now.
1.) Justin Bieber's Cadillac CTS-V Coupe
Suggested By: Baja Bug
Why it's a crime against humanity: Video is required to fully understand what the vandals at WCC have done to America's greatest ass-kicking luxury coupe. The gimmick doors? Okay, well, nicely crafted. The flat black paint? As fashionable as a reggaeton best-of CD. The Batman motif? Stop right now please seriously we beg you. It's just wrong in more ways than someone should have to understand on a Thursday morning.
Justin Bieber: So young, and already gone so wrong.