We eat, sleep, and die in our cars. Therefore, the late-night market for "improvements" to our iron horses is understandably huge. These are what Jalopnik readers chose as the ten most ridiculous "As Seen On TV" accessories you can buy for your car but probably shouldn't.
Welcome back to Answers of the Day — our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
Photo Credit: Billy Mays
10.) Wheelmate Laptop Steering Wheel Desk
Suggested By: End User
Why it's absurd: This could be the absolute best steering wheel-mounted laptop holder on the market and it would still be a complete joke. It's supposed to be used only when the car is turned off, but that's never going to happen.
9.) Tush Turner
Suggested By: reverberocket the Tush Turner
Why it's absurd: Aside from being the second best-named product on this list, the Tush Turner is just a padded turntable for your car seat. Some cars back in the ‘60s and ‘70s used to come with seats that swiveled themselves, and while those seats are gone, the Tush Turner isn't really a worthy replacement. As Car & Driver tested a few years ago, it doesn't really work.
8.) Mr. Microphone
Suggested By: Zuzax
Why it's absurd: Mr. Microphone, which broadcasts your voice through a local radio frequency, is not specifically a car accessory, but the prospect of cat-calling pedestrians with the line "Hey good lookin'! We'll be back to pick you up later!" should not be missed.
7.) Billy May's Fix-It!
Suggested By: For Sweden
Why it's absurd: No matter what the damage, Billy Mays will magically heal it with what looks like a bleach pen. We don't have proof that this is whole ad was made by using footage of marking the cars with a white-out pen played in reverse.
6.) Pops-A-Dent
Suggested By: $kaycog
Why it's absurd: What you do is put hot glue on the bottom of a suction cup, let it cool, the use a mounted screw to pull the cup up off the dent, popping it out. It doesn't work. Car & Driver tested it a few years ago and found that the force it exerts on the sheetmetal is about as bad as the dent in the first place. Put the thirty bucks it costs into going to a body shop.
Photo Credit: Pops-A-Dent/Amazon
5.) Soundracer
Suggested By: cjlaw73
Why it's absurd: Just because you're stuck in a 4-cylinder econobox, doesn't mean that you can't enjoy the sound of a V8 piping through your in-car speakers. The Soundracer matches the revs of your engine with a pre-programmed V8 sound. The problem is, it's not very good at matching revs, and the synthesized motor doesn't sound anything like a real engine.
V10s, and V12s are all available, and a factory V8 Soundracer-ripoff is standard equipment in the new BMW M5.
4.) Whistle Tips
Suggested By: For Sweden
Why it's absurd: Back in 2003, KRON-TV in the Bay Area ran a feature on a craze in Oakland, where drivers fit loud "whistle tips" on to their exhaust pipes. The device is just an annoying noise-maker, but the interview KRON conducted with Oakland resident Jonathan Worrel, known as "Bubb Rubb" quickly became internet famous.
3.) Tiddy Bear
Suggested By: fainerairden
Why it's absurd: I can't say from personal experience whether or not the Tiddy Bear works, but even if it did, there's no reason why a self-respecting woman needs a little bear to keep a seatbelt from chafing her cleavage. Surely any other shape would be an improvement.
Who are we kidding? We're just jealous of the Tiddy Bear.
2.) Diesel Secret Energy
Suggested By: Altemus Prime
Why it's absurd: Biodiesel is a perfect medium for scamming suckers. The trick is that everyone thinks that it can save you money, but no one really understands how it works. Diesel Secret Energy is sort of magical elixir you add to veggie oil, but how this does anything but thinning out your fuel is beyond me.
1.) Fuel Doctor FD-47
Suggested By: Ari Kagura is The Fleeting Flash!
Why it's absurd: We've covered the Fuel Doctor FD-47 before, when we ran down the ten most ridiculous fuel-saving devices on sale.
What the Fuel Doctor is supposed to do is reprogram your ECU to increase your engine's fuel efficiency. This is a dubious claim, as this device is just an LED light that plugs into your cigarette lighter. That's it.
Amazingly, the Fuel Doctor is still on sale for just $49.99. Buy now!
Photo Credit: Fuel Doctor USA