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The Ten Lamest Cars On Sale Today

Illustration for article titled The Ten Lamest Cars On Sale Today

Fake carbon fiber, plastic wood, shifter paddles on an automatic gearbox. These are the defining characteristics of the vehicles Jalopnik readers selected as the ten lamest cars you can buy.

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Welcome back to Answers of the Day — our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!

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If you don't want to click through the gallery you can see the post in a single page right here.

Photo Credit: Aston Martin

Illustration for article titled The Ten Lamest Cars On Sale Today
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10.) Mini Countryman

Suggested By: coryd

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Why it's lame: The Countryman could be a good car. It could ride well, have nice space, look kind of funky, and be reasonably affordable. That means nothing, because it's too fat to be a "Mini," and it shamelessly cashes in on the innovations of yesteryear to sell a mini-crossover.

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Photo Credit: NRMA Motoring and Services

Illustration for article titled The Ten Lamest Cars On Sale Today
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9.) Aston Martin Cygnet

Suggested By: Gamecat235

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Why it's lame: It can be cool to dress up a little car with high-end touches (the Radford Mini, for example), but you have to make the luxury stealthy. Slapping a fat chrome grill and hood vents on a Toyota iQ is not stealthy. It is obnoxious.

The only saving grace here is that it allows them to build more V12 Aston Martins.

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Photo Credit: Aston Martin

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8.) Honda CRZ

Suggested By: Pcleez

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Why it's lame: Much as we love the idea of a funky-styled sporty Japanese coupe with a weird powertrain, everybody knows the CRZ fell short. It's supposed to be fun to drive and environmentally friendly, but it somehow managed to miss both objectives.

Photo Credit: Raphael Orlove

Illustration for article titled The Ten Lamest Cars On Sale Today
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7.) Chevy Spark

Suggested By: Irving Washington

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Why it's lame: With its anime eyes headlights and shouty details, the Sparks screams, "Cool young people! Take pictures of me on Instagram! Do it!"

Photo Credit: Raphael Orlove

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6.) Scion tC

Suggested By: mingoesbueno

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Why it's lame: The tC is for people who wanted something cool and sporty but couldn't dare to buy something interesting.

Photo Credit: Ryan Tir

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5.) Acura ZDX

Suggested By: 3pedalsgood

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Why it's lame: Acura ripped of the BMW X6 and ended up with something even more desperate. It's big and wasteful, but it has no space for stuff or human beings. It is a big toy, trying to look cool.

Photo Credit: Michael Gil

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4.) Scion xD

Suggested By: Dwhite

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Why it's lame: Not even a rally car campaign can make this thing interesting. The harder Scion tries to make this beigemobile appear cool, the worse the xD gets. It's a shame, too, because the first one was sort of interesting.

Photo Credit: Aaron Van Dike

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3.) Harley-Davidson Ford F-150

Suggested By: StreetsideStig

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Why it's lame: Hey "tough guy," you're not a rebel. You're a rich old dude. Get over yourself.

Photo Credit: Ford

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2.) Smart ForTwo

Suggested By: Saablife

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Why it's lame: If your car's name tries to tell people that you're smart because you bought one, you're trying too hard.

Photo Credit: Tim Wang

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1.) Infiniti G25

Suggested By: TheCrudMan

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Why it's lame: If you had less money, you'd be buying a Camry. You have no imagination, but you want all your friends to know that you just got a promotion. So you buy the most soporific of all the faux-wood and faux-carbon fiber near-luxury sedans, the entry-level G25.

Photo Credit: Infiniti

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DISCUSSION

I call copious amounts of bullshit on having the Mini Countryman on here. I've driven one. It's one of the only SUVs you can buy with a manual, and they're not hard to find either. I also don't buy the "it's too big to be a Mini" argument. Everyone needs wake up and get the fuck over car makers doing things differently than they have in the past. These are things you need to do in order to survive today. You know who didn't ever change? Saab.

Is it bigger than the Mini? Yep, everything is. Is it one of the smallest, best-handling SUVs/Wagon/Hatch-y things available? Yep. You put one next to a Ford Focus hatchback and they'll be essentially the same size. I love how we like to label companies that "shamelessly sell out" and "making cash grabs"... that's what a successful business does, yet we deride them for trying something new and different or looking to enter new markets, simply because it's not something they've done before. Mini makes very interesting, very different cars that are always smaller than the competition. This is not wavering from Mini's M.O., it's just Mini's modern take on a 4 door vehicle with a hatch.

I was too annoyed to comment on the original Mini post, but here it is... Travis, that post was ridiculous. I thought we appreciated different, unique, possibly ugly vehicles that offer something no one else does here on Jalopnik. I get bothered by the rampant "Golden Age" nostalgia on here sometimes with people longing to go back to the way things were done in the past. It was great, and we can remember it as such but it's not coming back... cars are made differently today and that isn't a bad thing.

Does everyone NOT see that we're living in a spectacular time to be an auto enthusiast?