If you’re going to commit heinous crimes, you might as well do them right with the proper tools. Like one of these ten brilliant drug friendly cars (or the one bike).
Listen. I’m not going to try and talk you out of your dubious drug running schemes. But please, please remember that neither myself or anyone here at Jalopnik condones such behavior, so if you get caught being stupid, that ain’t on us.
10.) Datsun 280Z
The Datsun 280Z came with a few strategically placed, hidden and covered away compartments of mystery under the rear storage area, and they could help you get easily transport a couple bricks across borders.
Also, if you keep those louvers over the rear window and strongly trust that those pesky Border Patrol agents will just wave you through because of your sick Japanese sports car, you have a bunch more storage room under the hatch that could be utilized.
9.) Mercedes-Benz E63 S AMG Wagon
The best new German power wagon available in America would make an excellent smuggling machine. Reader DennyCraneDennyCraneDennyCrane can explain how:
-Innocuous looking. It’s a mom-mobile, to 99% of the population. Why would the officer take a second look as you drive past?
-Tons of cargo space. Just top with pool noodles and water wings on top, and suddenly you’re just hauling stuff to the kids. Your significant other took the SUV, officer!
-Fast. Officer doesn’t believe it? Well shit. Run.
-Can be bullet proofed. Lots of up-armorers prefer Mercedes. Running from that officer? Well, you know, maybe he starts shooting.
-Can be had with Run-Flats. You know, in case the bullets hit the part that’s the least bullet proofed.
Suggested By: DennyCraneDennyCraneDennyCrane, Photo Credit: Mercedes-Benz
8.) Dodge Dart
You can remain incognito on the outside with the Dodge Dart’s basic American economy car’s looks and incognito on the inside with Dodge’s obviously very well thought out under-seat hidden compartment.
Suggested By: Stig-a-saw-us wrecks, Photo Credit: Dodge
7.) Honda NC700X
No, it’s not a car. But the Honda NX700X might look like a common dual-sport motorcycle, until you open up its hidden 21 liter storage compartment that’s placed where the gas tank should be. There you will and find plenty of room for copious amounts of hidden drugs. That’s exactly what police and the feds will not be doing.
6.) Citroen DS
In most ordinary cars, the suspension wouldn’t hold up to the regular drug smuggling trips. So make solid use of the Citroen DS’ always-level hydropneumatic suspension and load it up with kilos and kilos of drugs!
It might weigh and slow the car down a bit, but from the outside, no cop would be able to tell a thing. They’d just be admiring those smooth, classic French design lines like everyone else.
5.) Chevrolet El Camino SS
The hidden storage compartment below the bed on Chevy El Caminos could play an extremely useful role in the drug transport process, with or without a fancy bed-cap. Just bolt some hinges on there and make sure it’s all completely seamless, you’ll be good to go.
4.) Chevrolet Corphibian
The Chevy Corphibian’s aquatic abilities will allow you to make tactical advancements on bodies of water. Sounds a lot easier than sitting in traffic at the normal highway border, being shuffled around by Border Patrol agents. Don’t forget about the Coast Guard though!
3.) Chrysler Town & Country
Know what soccer moms and drug smugglers have in common? It’s not what you think! Reader PotbellyJoe can go into detail:
First, [Chrysler minivans] are the automotive equivalent of stealth to police officers. Second, You can throw your kids in and drive at all hours of the night with the excuse of “We’re trying to make time while they’re asleep.” All it takes is one really soiled diaper and no one will be smelling anything incriminating from that car.
Throw some Weathertech mats over the floor, because children, and the hatches for the Stow ‘n Go will be very hard to find, let alone open, if it even came down to that. But it never would.
Suggested By: PotbellyJoe, Photo Credit: Chrysler
2.) Paramount Marauder
If you’re the type of drug smuggler who just gives zero fucks, the Marauder might be for you. Driving through fences, over police cars, and demolishing your rival drug runners are all things that are very possible when seated comfortably inside one of these monsters.
1.) A Septic Tank Cleaner Truck
Absolutely no one wants to go near a septic tank service truck, including police and border agents. Refurbish or buy a new tank so that you don’t have to deal with the grossness, cut or weld an easy access door into the tank to drop the drugs, seal it all up, and bam. You have yourself the ultimate drug smuggling vehicle.
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Top Photo Credit: AP Images