You know how it is. You're driving along in your car, minding your own business, listening to the radio or sexting someone or whatever and BAM! All of a sudden, you find yourself in some old Ben Hur movie. We've all been there, am I right?
The only way you're going to come out of this okay is if you have a 1996 Pontiac Sunfire GT. As this now-16-year-old ad says, it's the ideal car to escape from such scrapes thanks to what is described as a "quick handling sport suspension" and a twin cam engine boasting 150 horsepower. That's like 146 more horses than those other gladiators have.
This explains why most mid-90s Sunfires you see on the road today look like they've had the crap just utterly kicked out of them. They've all survived gladiator races in the distant past. You try getting that kind of damage fixed under warranty!