The Hare Scramble Is The Most Miserable Godforsaken Motorsport On Earth

We humans like motorsports because they combine all the best aspects of living—flying, leaping, speed, adrenaline—with our favorite pastime, sitting. Hare Scramble is the one motorsport that takes the joy out of all of it.

The very reason why we enjoy motorsports is the very reason why we don’t enjoy ultramarathons. Everyone doing it just looks absolutely miserable. Nobody’s ever having fun. Oh, sure, after they’re done they all give interviews talking about “the challenge” and “mind over matter” and all sorts of other boring things while we take pictures of their gross legs.

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But nobody’s ever got a smile on their face (NOTE: if you come into the comments to post pictures of smiling ultramarathoners and cyclists, you will be Ignored and/or Banned depending on my fickle whims at the very moment, this is my screed go get your own dang blog).

Hare Scramble takes much the same grueling idea, and applies it to bikes. Get 500 (five hundred!) riders, a very long and awful course over a mountain quarry, and see which one can Take It All.

You know what? I’ll watch. It’s something nice to have on in the background over a long holiday weekend. But I’d never want to attempt it.

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About the author

Michael Ballaban

Deputy Editor, Jalopnik. 2002 Lexus IS300 Sportcross.

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