The Citroën XM Pallas Braves Earthquakes, Wild Horses, Raging Lava Torrents!

Illustration for article titled The Citroën XM Pallas Braves Earthquakes, Wild Horses, Raging Lava Torrents!

The best ads tell a story, and this one for the mid-90s Citroën XM Pallas certainly does that. In fact, it's more of an informercial than an regular car ad, with inspiring music right out of an Early Dot-Com Era shareholder's meeting. Best as we can tell, the Citroën driver here is bringing a box containing a critical mass of our favorite off-brand fissionable material, Uranium 233 (cast in a ring shape, of course, to avoid troublesome criticality events in the back seat) to the local warlord's headquarters in a Damnation Alley-esque post-disaster world.

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DISCUSSION

Many important things can be gleaned from this ad:

-The Saab 9-5 was a ripoff of the Citroen Pallas profile.

-The Pallas has a crazy-tight turning radius for a front driver.

-The front window is rolled up by turning the steering wheel briskly to the left.

-Ugly vinyl siding is not unique to North America.

-France's wild horses have europunk haircuts.

-Lazy-ass drivers aren't unique to North America either. Note the power armrest.

-The sound guy wanted Carmina Burana 'O Fortuna' but didn't know what it was actually called and settled for this.

-All the roads in France are dusty.