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The 2002 Chevy Avalanche: Begging For a Knuckle Sandwich!

Illustration for article titled The 2002 Chevy Avalanche: Begging For a Knuckle Sandwich!

Like, there's this weasely-looking little guy, ya know, and he wants change for a dollar. So, like, I changed my SUV into a truck and took his money! Yeah, I totally made him my bitch!


Welcome to the world of Post-9/11 Plastic-Cladded Detroit Trucks! The General's marketers apparently figured that the correct target demographic for their pseudo-pickup Suburban was Young Exurban Assholes, also known as "Yeaies." Who doesn't want to plant a big steel-toed boot right in this Yeaie's nodules, eh? Come to think of it, this ad campaign made many otherwise law-abiding citizens feel like dumping a five-gallon can of gas through an Avalanche's busted side window, then tossing a highway flare after it.

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The Avalance isn't quite douche enough for me, I STILL want a GMC Envoy XUV. /seriously