All images via BMW

Thank goodness BMW came to the rescue with an activewear line. It really was getting exhausting to have to hike, sweat and get dirt all over clothes that don’t showcase what kind of luxury sedan and/or crossover SUV I lease. Maybe the outdoors is fashionable again.

This BMW Active line came out just in time. I was sick of my regular camping outfits, because they were, well, just so regular. I can’t wait to put on my $153 BMW Active Jacket Functional, only to realize it’s warmer than expected outside once I’ve hiked far enough away from my camp to abhor the thought of going back. (Tying a jacket on your waist is stylish if it’s BMW branded, right?)

But no matter how warm it is outside, everyone under the sun knows just how fashionable I can make the outdoors look in my BMW Active outfits.

It’s delightful to think that from now on, I can get all of my body’s natural oils and sweat, along with some nice dirt and potentially bugs, on my $58 BMW Active T-Shirt, $105 BMW Active Sweatshirt and $118 BMW Active Gilet, and then have those items of clothing sit around for several days or weeks before I can wash them. If the smell stays, maybe it’ll feel more authentic anyway!


Back at my campsite, I can carry all of my face and body products in my $295 BMW Active Trolley Travel Bag, in hopes that maybe I can keep some of the skin oils and sweat in check with this Active Lifestyle™ of mine. (You can bring along hair products, too, if you need to take care of your man bun.)

Should I need to take any of my packed belongings on my Active Adventures™, I could always use a $130 BMW Active Backpack Functional or a $117 BMW Active Sports Bag Functional. You get what you pay for, after all, and everything is functional at BMW. Don’t let people tell you otherwise!


Oh, yes, I almost forgot—I’m not the only active member of the family. Just a moment while I find a good spot in the dirt to place my $58 BMW Active Dog Bowl! I’m not sure what the “active” part means, but it’s fine if the bowl moves from side to side a little. Our fur angels need to stay active too, anyway.

There’s also a $35 BMW Active Dog Collar and $47 BMW Active Dog Lead, as if I would actually need any kind of restraint to keep a pet nearby. We’re all in matching BMW gear. That should be enough. The dog knows its people.


Wait a second. Now that I look at this fashion line again, where are the BMW logos? I don’t think I see any, and I certainly don’t think my eyes are deceiving me. I’m too active to have eye troubles early in life.

This stuff may as well be from Gap, then. The other campers won’t know how elite we are as we sleep outside on the ground, and that’s not acceptable. I need people to know what brand I drive.


Forget I said anything in the first place.