Tesla's Name Change: What Does It All Mean?

Photo credit: Getty Images
Photo credit: Getty Images

With Tesla’s Master Plan, Volume II set to debut tonight, we’re about to find out the next big phase of Elon Musk’s grand vision for the company. There is one detail we’re pretty sure about already – the company will no longer be officially “Tesla Motors,” but just “Tesla.”


Some of the more more poorly educated corners of the Internet have speculated that it has something to do with Tesla’s already-stated goal of becoming not just a car company, but a fully integrated transportation and energy provider. Musk himself even said it in the first master plan, back in 2006:

  1. Build sports car
  2. Use that money to build an affordable car
  3. Use that money to build an even more affordable car
  4. While doing above, also provide zero emission electric power generation options

Don’t tell anyone.

And if you have at least one working eye and can read, you can clearly see where that line of thinking in those dimmer corners of the internet comes from.

It’s bullshit.

I know the REAL reason Tesla’s making the name change. Or rather, the many reasons. Here they are, listed below, in no order of importance:

  • Illuminati
  • They’re moving away from motors, from now on all vehicles will be sail-powered
  • Their big plan to re-animate Nikola is finally going to happen
  • “Apple Computer” went to just “Apple” and that seemed to work out okay
  • All the cool kids, like Shingy, have just one name
  • Illuminati
  • Tesla’s first car was based on a Lotus, so in keeping with its roots, it is adding lightness to its own name
  • TESLA MOTORS doesn’t work on knuckle tattoos, but TESLA on both hands does
  • Tiny humans
  • 2Pac
  • Okay, does anyone really think all of this dumb branding stuff matters? It’s just a name, who really cares? This “Tesla” guy is dead anyway. And he was a bit of a kook known for being bad with money. If the company’s in the business of dropping names now, it should actually probably just drop the “Tesla.” Its cars are still powered by electric motors, so it makes sense to just call the entire shebang “Motors.” I suppose “General Motors” may have a lock on that one already, but “General” is such a formal, militaristic title. The Motors company, on the other hand, will be removing such pompous nomenclature, eliminating the barrier between it and its fans. Diddy did that, you know. When he got rid of the “P.” And maybe it’s something we can all learn from. That idea of eliminating barriers between ourselves. Eliminating that which keeps us apart, even in our etymological fortitude. Mmmm. Yeah. One love.
  • Illuminati

Let those duller corners have their theories. We have FACTS.



The REAL reason:

The profits from the company have been funneled to the Gigafactory’s TRUE purpose: The cloning and resurrection of Nikola Tesla. Now that he is upon us once more, he will reveal his secrets for long distance wireless electricity transfer, and free energy generation, and a new golden age will be upon us!

That, or he watched the Social Network and liked the idea of dropping something from the name because Justin Timberlake is just so damn charismatic.

Nah, the first one is more likely.