Sweaty, Ill-Tempered LeMons Judges Hand Out Vast Quantities Of Penalty Laps

Illustration for article titled Sweaty, Ill-Tempered LeMons Judges Hand Out Vast Quantities Of Penalty Laps

This was definitely the toughest day of LeMons BS Inspections we've ever done: over 100 cars, lots of whiners, lots of difficult judgment calls on possibly legit (but probably cheating) racers, and Central Valley heat.

While it was hotter (by a few degrees) and more humid at the Laissez Les Crapheaps Roulez race in Louisiana, the Merle Haggard-grade dusty, cow-manure-scented winds of Buttonwillow delivered enervation like never before. We also got bribes like never before; the trunk of my Crown Vic contains so many cases of bribe beer that I'll probably need new springs. I'm too exhausted to go into any really useful detail here, but a few highlights: Mad_Science's BMW 633CSi got zero laps (it's legitimately horrible), as did the Porcubimmer, the Italian Stallions Fiat X1/9, the Cape Coventry Austin-Healey Sprite, and- miracle of miracles- the Krider Racing Integra, which has been convincingly suck-ified. There's a super-badass BMW 540 with no body and a V8, whose unprecedentedly fast laps caused a lot of muttering about the People's Curse during practice today, but they managed to get off with just 7 BS laps. A certain Nissan Sentra SE-R got 1,204 laps, and quite a few cars got zapped with three-figure penalties. Check in during the day and I'll see about doing some updates; if nothing else, I've got some preloaded non-LeMons posts that will go live during the day.

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Sean Smith

I saw that 540 on my way to work this morning just a few cars past a clean looking E30.

The 540 is vicious. You really cant tell what it is other than some sort of bmw. I didn't get too good a look at the motor (standing up on a bike in between a trailer and 405 traffic...) but I could've sworn it was an LS1. At least thats what the manifold looked like.