Illustration for article titled Spider In A Race Car: NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. KILL IT WITH NOPE.

Hi. I like race cars. I hate spiders. I have been known to unload entire cans of spider killer in my 944 after seeing one anemic little web in there. Here is a huge spider that came down in Nadja Pollard's Miata during a race. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

Watch the right side of the screen in this video. Watch it and cringe a bit.

If you watch it in HD mode, you can make out each little twitchy, swinging leg that probably wants to kill you when you're otherwise occupied with the slow and careful bits of the track—right when you least expect it.


That's how spiders roll: strike the humans with their pants down, mid-frantic-car-trailer-changing session. Pounce when the humans reach for a forgotten wrench at the back of the drawer. Infiltrate their cars, and spread nasty webs of nastiness across openings in the roll cage.

The best part about being in a race car is that you're strapped in tight as though you're one with the vehicle itself.


The worst part about being in a race car with a spider in it is that you're strapped in tight, speeding around a race track, and you can't just unlatch yourself mid-turn and run as far away as humanly possible.

Technically you can, but it's not advised unless you want to look like Ricky Bobby on imaginary fire and (worst of all) lose the race. That being said, I would totally understand anyone who hopped out because of a spider emergency even though every single corner worker would think you've lost it. I understand, man. I understand.

Worst of all, this spider's dangling all right. He's a giant spider pendulum of certain death, or at least a big, nasty, welty bite.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

Explain away how they're an important part of the ecosystem or how they eat other malicious insects all you'd like. It'll fall on deaf ears. It is my right as a perfectly sensible human being to have a phobia that isn't based in science, fact, reality or anything. Spiders are evil creatures out to kill all the humans, and there's no convincing me otherwise.


They can be a beneficial part of any other ecosystem that's not my race car that they'd like. Or that's not my house, my carport, or any other spaces in the universe that I occupy. GET OUT OR FACE IMMEDIATE SQUASHING.

Nadja handles the GIANT FRIGGIN' SPIDER far more calmly than I would, as there have been no "FS: One Heavily Charred SCCA STL Miata" posts from her since this race.

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