Someone Please Help Kyle Larson Because He Eats Like A Weirdo

Illustration for article titled Someone Please Help Kyle Larson Because He Eats Like A Weirdo

I like Young Kyle Larson. When he sat with us to answer all of your questions, he really did answer all of your questions. That makes him A-OKAY in my book. Young Kyle fainted Saturday after an autograph session, and that’s worrying. But more concerning is his admission that he just ate chicken soup and tacos that day. For breakfast.


“That morning, I had tacos and chicken noodle soup,” Larson said Thursday at TMS. “Later that night when I went to the hospital, I had pizza because that’s all they had there. [Ganassi] says I need to lay off the pizza and tacos diet. ... My nutritionist Chip Ganassi is on me.”


Kyle’s boss, Chip Ganassi, has a point. Race car drivers need to be at their peak, always, and pizza and tacos aren’t exactly a constant part of every athlete’s diet.

But if we’re going to get beyond the nannying, and get to the real meat and potatoes of the issue (see what I did there????????????), we need to address a larger problem.

Because Young Kyle Larson, NASCAR racing driver, eats like a total weirdo.

Don’t get me wrong here. Chicken soup and tacos, on their own, and meal times, are great food items. Chicken soup is God’s Medicine. Tacos are nothing if not delicious. I hear that nowadays, in our modern times, there are even breakfast tacos, suitable for breakfast. And, if you want to be a college student, I suppose you can have chicken soup whenever you want. This is America. It’s a free country. NASCAR is American. It’s a free(?) sport.


But chicken soup, and tacos, for breakfast. I’m sorry, Kyle, but your freedoms stop right there. The combination of chicken soup and tacos for breakfast is unnatural, off-putting, and very possibly, immoral.

It is Wrong.

Now I understand that Young Kyle Larson is only turning 23 this year. I understand that he was born in 1992, the same year that Aladdin came out. Young Kyle Larson is not Old Kyle Larson. He’s got a lot to learn, and having the eating habits of a particularly undiscerning Sarlacc is part of the maturation process. I’ve been there too, and when I was roughly his age I thought that a dinner of ramen noodles with a side of Doritos paired exceptionally well with a chocolate-chip cookie dessert.


But again, chicken soup. And tacos. For breakfast. Young Kyle Larson, you do not live inside a dumpster behind a particularly bad lunch buffet.

At the very least, though, if anyone sees Kyle, help him out. Get him a granola bar or something. Maybe some melon. Or whatever it is people normally eat for breakfast. I usually just have a big lunch instead.


I’m not really an expert on these things.

Photo credit: Getty Images

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Is chicken taco soup acceptable?