This week in “Gnarliest Ways to Show the World How Rich You Are,” someone actually commissioned a surfboard with a 24-karat gold trim to carry around on their Rolls-Royce. Rolls will feature it at an event showing off its “exquisite motor vehicles for the influential and wealthy,” because of course it will.
Rolls-Royce announced a few days ago that it, like many of its buyers, probably, will spend August and September on a nice tour of the Mediterranean coastline and hit Europe’s “summer hotspots” along the way. But rather than just sipping expensive wine and bonding with others over the world’s most prestigious golf courses, the folks at Rolls will be doing all of that and trying to sell cars.
In its typical tone of pompous words that only it uses non-sarcastically, Rolls-Royce said it’ll “provide a gentle presence” at those summer destinations to show off its lineup to those worthy enough to see it. One customer’s surfboard will be included, to enlighten the wealthy as to just how well a Rolls-Royce fits into #every #lifestyle #adventure.
Rolls listed almost all of the details on the board—its nine feet of wood veneers, along with 24-karat gold accents someone actually seems willing to put in a big, salty body of water. The only detail Rolls left out was the price, because if you have to ask, why are you even reading about it? Stop daydreaming and get back to work. Your middle-class job needs you.
The announcement from Rolls didn’t say much about the owner’s car, other than that he designed it last year and that his board “will be mounted atop a Bespoke Rolls-Royce Ghost” for the event to reflect his “patronage of Ghost.” One has to wonder whether he refers to his Ghost in the same way Rolls does—like “Ghost” is a first name instead of the name of a material item.
The other cars in the Rolls lineup will be at the summer events to allow the worthy to drive or be chauffeured in them, with scenic views all around. (It’s easy to tell when you’re not wealthy enough to be chauffeured, because you’re not used to the word “chauffeur” and always spell it wrong on the first try.)
At least “24-karat gold” is easy to spell, right? After all, somebody of lower social status has to place the order for the gold trophy in the “Gnarliest Ways to Show the World How Rich You Are” contest.