Really, Offisher, The 12-Year-Old Was Driving!

Illustration for article titled Really, Offisher, The 12-Year-Old Was Driving!

So you've knocked back numerous Goldschlägers (drink of choice for severed-finger-in-Wendy's-chili associates) at the local watering hole and it's time to pilot the ol' minivan back to the pad. Suddenly, red-and-blue lights in the rearview!

What do you do? Some of us might submit to the inevitable stuffin'-n-cuffin' process, establishing a behavior/judgment-themed cause-and-effect connection, taking stock of the not-so-good direction our lives have taken during the booking process, et cetera, but not the resourceful James C. Storie of Muncie, Indiana! Mr. Storie, a somewhat dim light bulb flashing over his head, figured he'd put his girlfriend's 12-year-old daughter behind the wheel- why she and "two other pre-teenagers" were in the van with this upstanding and un-driver's-license-equipped citizen wasn't explained- and let her take the rap. Ha! Let's see The Man match wits with this criminal mastermind! Sadly for the criminal mastermind community, John Law saw through this scheme, and Mr. Storie found himself in the clink being asked a lot of very pointed questions about those outstanding warrants.
We can thank my friend Jessica in Indianapolis for this one; Jessica and her friends play a wonderful game called "Muncie As Fuck," in which they vie to find the stories that most exemplify their view of the city famed for the Muncie M22 'Rock Crusher' 4-speed transmission. The Muncie Sword Slashers mugshots used to represent undeserved Camaro-owner stereotypes were the product of the MAF game. Got your own MAF story with a car-related theme? Send it in!
[Star Press]

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My neighbor has a beagle who he taught to drive. So, on the occasion when he has over-indulged, he has the dog (named Rocky) drive him home. That's the only story I have.