Image: FCA

Are you the bro-iest of Dodge bros? Do you wake up with chest hair growing in a pattern that spells “MOPAR OR NO CAR” and attribute Chrysler-made vehicles’ door handles breaking off in your hands to your PURE BRUTE STRENGTH? Then you should get your MOPAR (OR NO CAR) ready for a road trip, because the last Dodge Challenger SRT Demon and Viper are going to auction this summer.

So brah, Fiat Chrysler is sending the last 2018 Demon and 2017 Viper to Barrett-Jackson in Connecticut in June with a combined 1,485 horsepower for a United Way charity auction. That power number will look great in your new Instagram name, and you can show all of the women how poetic you are behind that Dodge bro-ey facade with it. (Except it’s not a facade, saying that is just how you GET THE LADIES. It’ll also help to tell them that all of the money you spent on your new MOPAR (OR NO CAR) went to a good cause, until they get distracted by the fact that the seats in your car click backward when you accelerate too hard.)

But, like, bro, you need this. This is your destiny, if you believe in that stupid astronom... astrology stuff. The Viper and Demon will sell as a pair, the ultimate pair, your ultimate pair, with the Viper’s 645-HP 8.4-liter V10 and the Demon’s 840-HP 6.2-liter Hemi V8 that can run the quarter mile in less than 10 seconds. You’ll be down the street before those lame neighbors with the non-American cars can yell at your for how loud your legendary MOPAR (OR NO CAR) is.

The Demon in the pair comes with a custom car cover, which says “DEMON” to perfectly accent the “MOPAR OR NO CAR” message naturally carved into your untamable manly body hair. Intense, dude.

This is meant to be, like that time you scraped the ground with your MOPAR (OR NO CAR) Hellcat’s thin splitter and it emerged looking like a cheese grater got to it. That made the car look TOUGH and RUGGED just like you, so it was worth it.

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Get out there and get your cars, bro. You need money to eat and live and all of that dumb junk, but MOPAR (OR NO CAR) is life. Use your money on life.