If Porsche were a person, it would be the student with the unique name in a class full of Davids and Brittanys. “Porsch?” the substitute teacher questions, every time, after smoothly going down the list otherwise. “Porsch? P—ortch?”
“Here,” Porsche would say after a few tries, not bothering to tell this person it’s pronounced “Porsch-uh,” (or is it?) because they’ll only be around for a day anyway.
The tired, tired folks at Porsche, which opened its first office in the German city of Stuttgart in 1931, got so sick of people pronouncing the company’s name wrong that they published a 16-second video on YouTube about two years ago telling everybody, for the last time, that it’s “Porsch-uh.”
Problem solved, at the time. If you do what corporations tell you to do.
Now, two years later, Porsche’s gone and confused everyone again with its new electric car, the Taycan, which moved from the “Mission E” project nameplate to its production name in June. Was it Tay-can, similar to how some pronounce pecan as pee-can? Or was it Tay-cahn? Oh, the possibilities were endless.
But Porsche says it’s neither, in yet another pronunciation video with a title that looks just like the last one: ending in a passive aggressive period, reminiscent of all the texts you sent your messy college roommate about the Fruit Loops they spilled on the floor and just left there—two days ago.
And that passive-aggressive YouTube title is rightfully so, since we as a human population can’t even get words right.
It’s the Porsch-uh Tie-kahn, you fools. Burn it into your brains and remind everyone who mispronounces it that they’re the problem in this world.
Until you look at how it’s actually spelled, in which case we’ll all go on happily calling it “Tay-Can.” Because that’s how it is.