Max Verstappen gets caught in the middle of a Ferrari sandwich with Sebastian Vettel and Kimi Raikkonen at the 2017 Singapore Grand Prix. Race stewards determined no driver was “wholly or predominantly to blame for the incident.”
Photo: Lars Baron (Getty Images)

Formula One driver Max Verstappen said at a recent press conference that he “might headbutt someone” if journalists (and other people, too, maybe?) keep asking about how much he’s been crashing his car in F1 lately. It’s not the cute and loving kind of headbutt like a pet cat does, though. He seems mad.

Who wants to get crashed into by the head of a dude who can’t stop crashing? No one, probably. Plus, Verstappen already answered the question—quite elegantly, we might add. Here’s what he said, from ESPN:

Asked on Wednesday evening in Montreal what he needed to do this weekend to avoid a repeat, Verstappen said: “Not hit the wall! It’s as simple as that! And I don’t need to change my approach — it’s just a little bit more finesse I guess. Sometimes s— happens.”

(“S—” means “shit.”)

Because no one wants to get headbutted by the reigning human torpedo of F1, here’s a simple list of suggested questions for journalists and anyone else out there who wants to have a conversation with our good ol’ friend Crashin’ Max. (Don’t call him that to his face.)

  • How is the weather?
  • How are you and Daniel Ricciardo getting along these days?
  • If you do headbutt someone, how mad would you be if we made it into a viral GIF?
  • Can we wear GoPros, in case you headbutt us?
  • What if this becomes a thing people actually want to experience? Would you start a kissing-booth style headbutt station at F1 races, $25 a headbutt?
  • What is every part of an F1 race like, except for the part where you crash? (Is that one safe to ask?)
  • Do you crash your street cars often, or is it just your F1 cars? (Ask from a safe distance from head since this one may be off limits, too.)
  • Are you a cat person or a dog person?
  • If you could put Lewis Hamilton and Sebastian Vettel on teams other than their own for a weekend, which team(s) would you put them on?
  • Same thing, but for Ricciardo.
  • Would you rather fly or be invisible? Don’t say both!
  • Why do you think you didn’t get that job on the Mercedes team? Definitely not the crashing, right?
  • If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  • How long until you join Fernando Alonso in the ranks of Professional Sad Man?
  • If you’re not first, are you last?
  • It’s the reliability problems, isn’t it?

That should hold the conversation over for a little while. After that, you’re on your own.

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Jalopnik is not responsible for any physical butts to the head by Max Verstappen as a result of these questions. You’ll have to take that one up with him.