Even if a Formula One race turns out to be as dull as watching paint dry, we can always still rely on something going wrong with Fernando Alonso’s McLaren to entertain us. Let’s savor these moments of Alonso misery just in case he rage-quits McLaren and gives Jenson Button a seat back.
Early on during the Italian Grand Prix, the stop light at the end of Alonso’s pit stall failed to turn green fast enough after his team was through with a pit stop. Alonso had to be waved off by hand after an awkward pause, losing crucial time.
Alonso’s radio message was a true delight, bound to annoy That Guy who gets annoyed at adults using adult language:
Traffic light didn’t work, man. Our fuckin’ traffic lights!
Later, Alonso’s radio provided yet another gem to brighten up the spaced-out conga line that was the end of the race:
[Race engineer:] Okay, Fernando, let’s keep the pace going strong ‘til the end. Grosjean is still out there on eighteen-lap-old option [tires], he may come towards us.
I think that was an appropriate response at that point.
Somehow—somehow!—Fernando Alonso still ended up driving the fastest lap of the race. McLaren’s catching up, they said. Any day now, they said. Maybe it’ll finally happen if the team doesn’t keep shooting themselves in the foot.