PCH, Isuzu PUNishment Edition: Turbo Impulse or Bagged P'up?

I thought about maybe sticking with French Car Hell for another day (by the way, the pair of Citröen SMs manhandled the Simca 1000 like Burt Reynolds slapping around his Maserati-owning girlfriend in yesterday's poll), but the descent into Isuzu Pun Hell in yesterday's racing I-Mark post can mean only one thing: All-Isuzu PCH today! You see? You see what happens? You make Isuzu puns, you get Isuzu projects!


When your small car gets 22 MPG, is that a bragging point? Apparently so, because the seller of this 1991 Isuzu Impulse RS Turbo (go here if the ad disappears) put that Country Squire-esque mileage figure right in the headline. And when you're shopping for a car, what do you want to know about it? Running condition, maybe what kind of shape the interior's in? Nope, you need to know the bore and stroke of the engine... and this seller gives you just that! So here we have an AWD turbocharged Isuzu, complete with bright blue console trim and pillar-mounted gauges. The photographs were apparently taken at the Nevada Test Site with an experimental neptunium-core fission blast going off in the background, so it's a bit hard to make out the car... but no matter- this is a 17-year-old all-wheel-drive turbocharged car from a company that's even at this moment frantically packing up to leave the country before the credit-card bills come due, so you know you're in for some challenges. Just picture the fun you'll have breaking parts entering hyperspace in this sucker after you jack up the boost!

We all know that lots of exclamation points in a car ad indicates sincerity, but how do you indicate that a car's price is really, really good? Why, you put 16 dollar signs in the headline, of course! The seller lets you know right off that a 1994 Isuzu P'Up (go here if the ad disappears) is "a hard truck to find," and it's going to get a helluva lot harder now that Joe Isuzu is being stuffed into a shipping container and sent back to Japan. This truck has been rigged with airbag suspension, shaved doors "with poppers" (we assume the seller is not referring to the disco-era amyl nitrate variety here), and a Weber carb in place of the factory fuel injection. Since any or all of these mods could be total butcher jobs, you might be in for a few surprises. The AC works, but not the heater (no green liquid gushing out of the dash... as far as you know), and a new stereo system might be "thrown in" if the price is right. But remember folks, the seller is firm about the terms of the deal: "i dont want your junk i need a ride and can not accept payments but will negotiate price."

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