I mean, they’ve got a point. At least if you’re wearing this thing on your front you can keep close track of the melty granola bar and MTA ticket you’re keeping in there. Plus, bonus, just ratchet the hell out of that strap for an automatic gut-suck and skinnier look!

Nah just kiddin’ you’re beautiful the way you are. I mean, less so with the fanny pack. Sorry, even the cops are saying it and they still rock epaulettes on formalwear.

Contact the author at andrew@jalopnik.com.