May I Please Direct Your Attention Toward This Pink Lotus Elise For Sale

Ignore my driver’s license. Ignore my “birthdate.” I am 12 years old. Most of the time, I am 12 in the sense that all I want to do is watch monster trucks and children’s card games on television. Sometimes, I am 12 in the sense that I want to be a living, breathing Polly Pocket, except more sparkly.

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That was the case when I bought a pair of knee-high, rhinestone-covered boots with heels roughly as tall as a wine bottle. It was the case when I drank a bit too much wine last week and started ordering jewelry online for no reason other than that it was shiny. Sometimes, this stuff just happens.

Illustration for article titled May I Please Direct Your Attention Toward This Pink Lotus Elise For Sale
Image: Certified Motors, LLC
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And, you see, it was also the case when I saw this 2006 Lotus Elise for sale, because the thing is pink. It’s frickin’ pink. And when you zoom in, do you know what you see? Pink rhinestones. Frickin’ pink rhinestones.

(Mom and Dad told me I can’t use the other “F” word, or I’ll get grounded.)

Sure, one or two rhinestones might be missing from wear, but that’s nothing a little hot glue can’t fix.

Call it a Barbie car. Call it blasphemous. Tell me about how the first thing you’d do if you bought it was change the color, even if you should know that $39,950 is too much to pay, especially if you want to change the color on it. Tell me how British Racing Green is the only real color for an Elise, and how the rhinestones don’t add lightness. Please, I beg you.

Illustration for article titled May I Please Direct Your Attention Toward This Pink Lotus Elise For Sale
Image: Certified Motors, LLC
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Because when you do that, do you know how I’ll respond? I’ll stomp my left foot down in sparkly, rhinestoned heels so high you could never imagine operating a clutch pedal with them, and I’ll be on my way, off to do the stuff any 12 year old in a pink sports car would do.

I’ll probably even crimp my hair and get some pink highlights for the occasion, just because I can.

Staff writer, Jalopnik

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DISCUSSION

shanemorris
Shane Morris

I think I may have relayed this story to you at the Jalopnik meet-up in Austin, but I once owned a pink car. The problem was, on account of being colorblind, I didn’t know it for three months.

You see, if a car has a vinyl wrap, a dealership is still obligated to sell it as the color under the wrap. So when I bought my gray Carrera 4S, I assumed it was gray.

All I knew was it was about $5k cheaper than any other Carrera in Los Angeles. I didn’t find out for three months, when I was parked at a friend’s house, and my buddy Alex pulled up, walked inside, and said, “Yo, you gotta take a look at this. The world’s most basic white chick is nearby. Pink car. White wheels. Custom pink interior.”

Of course, I walked out to see this monstrosity. That’s when Alex showed me my car. I asked why no one had told me, and they said they just assumed I knew, seeing how everyone was always waving at me, saying “Nice car” etc.

I took off the wrap the following day, but the pink interior had to stay. It was too expensive to replace.