Kid Drinks Gasoline To Be Like Optimus Prime

Illustration for article titled Kid Drinks Gasoline To Be Like Optimus Prime

A 14-year-old Chinese boy has been admitted to the hospital with "gasoline dependance" after five years of downing the fuel in order to emulate his cartoon heroes and become a "valiant fighter" like "Optimus Prime."

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It started out innocently enough, with the boy drinking lighter fluid after taking a liking to the odor, but as we all know lighter fluid is a gateway combustible and inevitably leads to the hard stuff; Dino-squeezin's, go-juice, petrol... oh yes, he was drinking gasoline. Taking it from his parents motorcycle in such quantities as to regularly drain the tank. He was doing so because he believed it would help him attain energy like those of his cartoon heroes, the Transformers. Of course his parents tried to stop him, but he kept downing the stuff and eventually he started showing signs of reduced mental capacity. His parents took him into the hospital where he was diagnosed with a psychological dependence on gas. It's like a Matrix of Stupidity. [Shanghai Daily via Gizmodo]

DISCUSSION

FrankGrimes
Frank Grimes

When I was a kid I wanted to be like Steve McQueen after seeing The Great Escape and Bullitt. It wasn't until I saw Le Mans that I actually wanted to be like him though. I refused to wear anything but corduroy jackets and turtle necks. I always made motorcycle sounds whenever I was on my bike. I was never without my baseball and glove. My teachers would yell at me when they would call on me because I refused to be known by anything other than the cooler king.

It was never really a problem until I saw the movie Le Mans. That its when I realized the true power of Steve is in his Tag Heur watches. I got myself a paper route and eventually bought my first one and immediately unwrapped it and ate it. It was the best thing I had ever tasted though it cut my gums I was okay.

The next day while on my paper route Mr. Samsons dog chased me just like any other day. Mr. Samsons street dead ends and there is a chain link fence separating it from the main street with a berm right along the fence. Finally was my chain to be Steve McQueen. I summoned my Steve power and pedaled away from the dog as fast as I could and hit the berm I felt my self lift higher than ever before. I just knew I was going to clear the fence and be free from the dog nipping at my pant legs. It didn't work I slammed into the fence cutting my nose and ripping my pants I collapsed into fetal position while the dog tore at my shirt sleeve.

I wandered home dirty and bruised.

I learned that day that movies are fake and I never tried anything so stupid again.