With magnifying glass in hand, the Giant Ant from Another Planet ran away, cackling gleefully...
Congratulations to Jeffrey Stowell, winner of the second Jalopnik s Strange Car Photo Caption-Writing Contest. For his achievement, Jeffrey will recieve a copy of the "Standard Catalog of Ferrari 1947-2003," a major reference work for Ferrari fans and the collectors who sweat such machines. The flood of entries was intense, funny and humbling. Many more entries qualified as runners up than we has the space to post, but we tried to cover all the thematic bases. Check out some of the most notable entries after the jump.
First Runners Up
Johnny would never pull Uncle Jim's finger again.
So far, the Lithuanian Space Flight Program has been met with mixed results.
I WAS happy to see you, and that WAS a lighter in my pocket!
Bob realized that hard way that diesel only means DIESEL ONLY.
I always thought that the rust-proofing and clearcoat add-ons were dealer scams. I wish I had paid the extra grand now.
Honey, could you go check on the car? I think we left the door open.
The photoshoot for the children's book, "The Escort That Thought It Was A Pinto" did not go as planned.
I TOLD you to leave the stub from the lot in the window... they take that kind of thing seriously around here
While Jeff loved the smell of napalm in the morning, his early attempts at marketing it as an air freshener proved unsuccessful.
The paparazzi were not as kind to Lindsay Lohan's twin, last seen in Disney's 1998 remake of The Parent Trap.
Much too late, the new online casino realized that they just bought the ANTI-pope's VW.
Okay, now the Fantastic Four promos are just getting too arty
Screw you buddy, I just saved 100% on my car insurance!
Ed's plan to smuggle maple syrup out of Canada ended abruptly when Shirley opened the door."
After a brief rain shower, Larry discovered that the solid chocolate automobile he purchased had merely been chocolate dipped.
"To appease their gods, GM execs ritually sacrifice a rival and present a burnt offering in hopes of saving their company."
Best reference to an antisocial murderer:
After the success of the Puffy Combs Range Rover, Ford developed the Ted Kaczynski Escort.
Best superhero reference:
The Second-to-Last Son of Krypton didn't fare nearly as well
Best reference to an irradiated lizard:
Not all things agree with godzilla's stomach
Most elaborately constructed (tie):
"Although his neighbor a couple farms down built a successful meth lab in the hog confinement, Frank Jim Rube's just-completed mobile meth lab attempt went up in smoke after jumping Hereford Hills Golf Club's #6 bunker on the way home from seeing the new Dukes of Hazard movie."
Regaining consciousness strapped to the examining table of a spaceship hurtling away from Earth's atmosphere at the speed of light, Henry realized that it was not a clogged fuel filter that caused his Escort to stall while he was taking the shortcut across Smithwick's lower pasture.
Most succinct (tie):
Hello, Car Talk?
"Friends don't let friends spontaneously combust."
Jerry's solar-powered Rabbit was 419% over-effective.
Running Themes: Number of Entries
· Igniting farts /mexican food / curry: 18
· Pot smoking / bong hits / dynamite weed: 7
· Combination of igniting farts / pot smoking: 1
· Rosie O'Donnell flatulance: 1
· Suicide bombers took wrong turn / are stupid / poorly trained: 12
· "Back to the Future" / Flux Capacitor / Dr. Emmett Brown: 10
· "Dude Where's my Car": 13
· Twist-of-fate ignorance of recall notice: 2
· Giant ant / rival automaker wielding large-scale magnifying glass: 2
· Reference to 1980s Bud Light commercial: 1
· Variations on the "car-b-que" concept: 3
· Act of angry / vengeful / drunken god in response to Ford quality issues: 4
· Chinese fire drill: 5
· Johnny Depp in "Friday the 13th": 1
· Some sort of grandiose bird poop reference: 1
Jalopnik s Strange Car Photo Caption-Writing Contest: And the Winner Is [internal]