Is A Gorilla Loose In Texas?

Illustration for article titled Is A Gorilla Loose In Texas?

In 2010, a gorilla escaped from its penn at the Dallas Zoo and wandered about for around an hour. It didn't hurt anyone or anything, so we all shared a hearty laugh and went on living our lives.


But now another Gorilla has escaped in Dallas. Or so a street sign would have you believe. Like the one we saw from Dallas this morning that claims a "gorilla is loose."

As I see it, there are two possibilities:

1) A dominant male silverback gorilla has gotten loose after a genetic experiment in a top secret Dallas lab after years of plotting. It has killed all the scientists that were working on it by throwing it's rock hard feces at them with full force. The gorilla, which is now super smart thanks to years of gene therapy, is now wandering the streets of Dallas, posing as Robin Williams. He could strike at any moment.


2) Someone hacked the sign. Remember when we told you how to hack an electronic road sign so you'd know how not to? Yeah, c'mon guys, don't do it.

I really hope it's number one, otherwise I'll be very disappointed in all of you.

(Hat Tip to Fenderblast!)

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