I'm Really Going to Need You All to Stop Buying Clapped-Out Dodge Vipers

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Seriously. Stop it. You are ruining the secret. The secret that early Dodge Vipers could be some of the best bargain beater cars out there. I’m done with it.

Seems like everyone is buying them and talking about it. First it was some guy with a $10,000 high-mileage Viper. Then we saw more on Twitter. Now it’s a dude named Nick who brought his “beater” Viper by to shred a set of rear tires with the guys of The Hoonigans. Spoiler alert: The Viper is really good at doing burnouts.

I am Mad Online over this, guys. And it has nothing to do with the Dodge Viper itself. It has to do with people buying cheap, clapped out Vipers and then telling everyone how great they are. Like, bitch shut up! You are driving up the prices of Viper for the rest of us. You couldn’t just buy a wonderful car and keep it to yourself?


Now, I understand that I’m not completely blameless, either. I’ve sung praises for the first-gen Dodge Viper before. But that was before I noticed other people catching on. Now, I’m scared that they’re just going to get more expensive from here.

Goddammit. Nothing is sacred. Now I have to, like, sell a kidney to raise money for one before prices jump.