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I'm Really Going to Need You All to Stop Buying Clapped-Out Dodge Vipers

Illustration for article titled Im Really Going to Need You All to Stop Buying Clapped-Out Dodge Vipers
Screenshot: TheHoonigans (YouTube)

Seriously. Stop it. You are ruining the secret. The secret that early Dodge Vipers could be some of the best bargain beater cars out there. I’m done with it.

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Seems like everyone is buying them and talking about it. First it was some guy with a $10,000 high-mileage Viper. Then we saw more on Twitter. Now it’s a dude named Nick who brought his “beater” Viper by to shred a set of rear tires with the guys of The Hoonigans. Spoiler alert: The Viper is really good at doing burnouts.

I am Mad Online over this, guys. And it has nothing to do with the Dodge Viper itself. It has to do with people buying cheap, clapped out Vipers and then telling everyone how great they are. Like, bitch shut up! You are driving up the prices of Viper for the rest of us. You couldn’t just buy a wonderful car and keep it to yourself?

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Now, I understand that I’m not completely blameless, either. I’ve sung praises for the first-gen Dodge Viper before. But that was before I noticed other people catching on. Now, I’m scared that they’re just going to get more expensive from here.

Goddammit. Nothing is sacred. Now I have to, like, sell a kidney to raise money for one before prices jump.

Writer at Jalopnik and consumer of many noodles.

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DISCUSSION

rigidjunkie
rigidjunkie

I have hated everything Mopar since March 9, 1992. That is the day a Dodge dealer acted like the new Viper was some kind of rare earth element untouchable by those unable to afford it. My buddy and I drove an hour on our birthday to see one at a dealer and the dealer had it roped off and absolutely refused to let us sit in it or to even open the door or hood so we could see it from behind the ropes. From that moment on I have said F you to the whole organization.

Seeing prices of Vipers today makes me want to buy one and go do the biggest burnout ever at that dealership then buy a couple new tires and do it again in front of the owner of that dealerships house.  I want to love Vipers but dam that prick of a dealer for ruining them for me.