Hisss.

Yeah, the new Viper (RIP) is nice. It’s sleek and actually good to drive (I’m told). But I’m not interested in that one. I want a first-gen Viper. The one that had no airbags or traction control. That’s the good shit.

Since about September, I’ve been looking through online listings for first-gen Vipers. Cheap ones usually start at around $35,000. I kind of love the idea of how raw a car can get without it being some stripped-out track monster.

And the most recent video from Regular Car Reviews just made up my mind, in case there were any other lingering misgivings.

Here is a car that’s basically a fat engine, big tires, a steering wheel and some brakes with a seat strapped to it. It’s loud and brash and so overwhelmingly bad that it’s actually poetic.

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People say that this is a car that wants to kill you. I’d disagree: the car itself has no agenda. If you act like a yahoo behind the wheel and you spin into a guardrail, that’s on you. I just have to drive one now and test out this theory.

Which will probably lead to me buying one. Probably. In acid-green, because I’m an asshole still in my 20s.