We get a lot of funny emails. Sometimes, we publish them. Yesterday, Matt Russell emailed us about Lamborghini's strange and mysterious consumer website, which we have written about before. Oh, Matt. You're a funny man. (NSFW)
We are not endorsing or condemning Matt's statements. We just kind of think they're funny.
From: Matt Russell <***********@gmail.com>
To: tips@jalopnik.com
Date Wed, Jul 7, 2010 at 11:07 PM
Subject: Have you visited the Lamborghini Site lately?It is, literally, the worst website on the web: http://www.lamborghini.com.
I live in NYC and saw four Gallardo's in three days. I know you guys are in NYC as well (right?) and we see a lot of sports cars, but still, four in three consecutive days... that's pretty lucky. With that said, I wanted to familiarize myself with what their full roster of cars is right now. So I obviously went to their main website hoping to see all that Lambo had to offer. I mean, if you can build a car that costs $500k+, you can build a pretty flashy (or at least informative) website... right? Oh, how unbelievably wrong I was.
The site first asks you for English or Italian, standard or fullscreen. Harmless enough.
Then, a second screen asks you if you are "Ready to Ride." Yes and No are provided. (Already the website has started to aggravate me.)
If you click No, it shows you the asshole/tailpipe of an LP670 leaving you no option to click Yes. Considering that I wanted to click into the main site, why the HOLY FUCK do I have to reconfirm that I want to enter the site. If I was a CEO of a company looking to buy a Lambo, my time is money. This isn't Microsoft Word asking me if I want to save my changes, its a website with information about cars... oh wait, let me get to my next point.
After you enter the actual main site, there are no images, just text and a giant blank space where you would assume an image should be. One look at a Lambo and you drool like an idiot. So what does the company's main site show you... exactly what a blind person sees when THEY go to the Lambo website. At this point I was not only annoyed, but disappointed. Moving on...
I clicked on model range to see the cars I had initially come to see. An image of all their sexy cars are displayed (finally we are getting somewhere). I hover over one... nothing. I hover over another... nothing. I have no way of knowing what the hell car I am hovering over. Great. The text "every weapon meets it's master" is displayed at the bottom. I want to get my own weapon and kill whoever made this site. At this point I realize that this image is not a 'hover over' but it's a static image. They want me to click this image. I have been "Ready to Ride" for a while but now I am just 'ready to murder'.
After you click the image, sweet baby jesus in a tiny canoe, you can see their model range... and yet again, no photos whatsoever. If you hover over one of the models listed, no photo pops up. When you click on the text for that particular model, NO PHOTO POPS UP. Just text. I'm not even kidding, I attached a screen shot to show you what it looks like after you click on their most expensive car. It looks like the guy that created those magnetic words for refrigerators was the chief design head for web development.
The more you click, the worse it gets, so I'll just stop here. It is completely useless for anyone actually interested in buying one of these cars and even more useless for the people like me who dream of owning one of these and just want to look at some car porn. I still want a Gallardo, but I'm just going to walk my ass down to the dealership and forget their website completely.
I don't know how you can use this information. I mean, I am ranting. But I had to complain about this to someone and you seemed like the softest shoulder to lean on.
BTW, Ferrari's website is from the year 2020 by comparison.
-Matt
Sent from the MIR Space Station
Matt, you made me laugh, so thanks. Also, "sweet baby Jesus in a tiny canoe" is the best line I've heard all week. And you might want to crank up the oxygen in MIR. Just sayin'.