I Have Discovered Dodge's 'Holiday Gifts' Section And I Will Never Be The Same

Image: David Gannon (AFP via Getty Images), Dodge

I am a self-proclaimed Hellcat Woman, which still surprises me. I’m into lighter sports cars, paying roughly six figures to thunder down the highway in a Dodge has never been on my radar, and I find that lower power numbers are more fun for street driving. Yet the absurdity of it wins me over every time.

It will, however, take a little longer to win me over on a Hellcat onesie.

“A Hellcat onesie?” you think. “What is this woman talking about?” I probably would have said the same thing about three hours ago, before I discovered the best webpage in all of the internet, equally because of the horror and intrigue it brings me: the Dodge “holiday gifts” section. I will never be the same.

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The section begins rather innocently. It has a $44 red, white and black “M&M’s Gift Jar,” which is a 12-ounce container with images of M&M’s and Dodge logos all over. It looks almost like a thermal cup without a straw hole or mechanism to drink out of, leading me to believe that it is, in fact, a jar for storing M&M’s.

Do people truly need a storage container for 12 ounces of M&M’s? Is this serving an actual market? Perhaps. I may never know.

Image: Dodge

There are then a couple of ornaments, which are cute. I should not buy one, as I have too many ornaments as is, but I’m tempted to do so anyway.

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Then, things start to get strange (strange? niche? so strange and niche that they may actually appeal to a broad market? I, again, may never know). There are Reindeer Hellcats. There are Swarovski Crystal Demon earrings. There is a $70 glass ornament that looks like it got angrily thrown into the fire and melted after the discussion with family from out of town got political.

Image: Dodge
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But most of all there is a Reindeer Hellcat on a onesie.

It is not a onesie for an infant, who is entirely at their parents’ will and thus has to do things like wear holiday onesies because they can’t yet voice opinions like, “No, Dad, maybe not the onesie—at least not in front of people.” No, this $70 Reindeer Hellcat onesie is for an adult, and presumably one who spent roughly $70,000 on an actual Hellcat. “Brand loyalty” and all, you know.

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Image: Dodge

How do I feel right now? Confused. Curious as to whether this is all an elaborate joke, like the Tesla Cybertruck, but also as to whether there’s data behind there being a market out there for holiday-themed adult Hellcat onesies. Somewhat tempted to buy overpriced Demon earrings, for the hell of it. But mostly unable to look away from this Hellcat onesie, as if it were a figment of my imagination that will disappear as soon as I blink or get distracted by an unexpected sound in the other room. (The unexpected sound is my cat, destroying something.)

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But I also feel a tinge of respect, as, like a Hellcat itself, the act of committing $69.95 to walk around in a one-piece set of pajamas with a Reindeer Hellcat on the front is almost so ridiculous that you have to appreciate it.

...well, maybe. I’m still not sold on that feeling yet.

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About the author

Alanis King

Alanis King is a staff writer at Jalopnik.