Screenshot: Garage 54 ENG (YouTube)

If you’re worried about your car being stolen or towed, and all you’ve got is a length of chain and a couple of padlocks, there are lots of creative ways to keep your vehicle from disappearing.

Here’s Vlad from YouTube channel Garage 54 ENG to tell you which of those ways is best. And worst. Tying kettle bells to wheels, using sheets of paper as tires, and filling cars with concrete—it’s no surprise that Garage 54 ENG gets many of these wacky ideas for car experiments from the cesspool of weirdness that is the YouTube comments section. But I’m not complaining, because it’s all fun to watch. His latest shenanigans involve trying to lock a car up like a bicycle, using a chain and some padlocks.

Not every strategy is effective.

Apparently the Garage 54 ENG team received a bunch of pictures showing folks using chains to secure their vehicles. One image showed a chain hooked between a car’s B-pillar and a fence. Another showed the chain stretched between a wheel and a door handle. Still another showed a chain hooked from one rear wheel to the front wheel on the same side of the vehicle.

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Vlad investigated the effectiveness of such solutions, finding the door handle idea and the B-pillar idea to be totally useless (the chain yanks the door handle off, and tears right through the VAZ 2109's B-pillar). Hooking a chain to the steering wheel on one end and to a solid post on the other also doesn’t cut it, as the steering wheel just flies right off.

Connecting the rear wheels on the same axle together with chains, though, seems to work, as the chain gets caught on the suspension bits, preventing the tires from spinning. The car still manages to move, as the front powered wheels drag the stuck rear tires, but it’s a major struggle.

Hooking the chain to two wheels on the same side of the car—particularly hooking up to the part of the wheels nearest to the middle of the vehicle—appears to be the best solution. As the tires spin, the side of the wheel nearest to the center of the vehicle rotates and tries to move away from the center, putting the chain into tension. This yanks the wheel hard towards whatever side the chain is hooked to.

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The whole thing’s extremely dumb and mostly pointless, but few things in life are as fun as doing dumb and pointless stuff with cars.