Honda Acty, Lancia Delta Integrale, Mitsubishi Evo II: The Dopest Cars I Found for Sale Online

The Acty has more driven wheels than engine cylinders, which is a very funny point to think about. It also means the truck doesn’t really have enough power to go sliding through woods on a snowy evening, no matter how much eurobeat starts playing in your head after seeing the JDM license plate. But y’know what this little kei truck is perfect for? Fall activities.

I’m talking pumpkin picking. Apple picking. Foliage watching. Imagine this: you set out in the morning towards Vermont, gawking at the hues of the leaves all the way there. For lunch, you stop and set up a picnic spread — no need to worry about wet grass, though, because you can picnic right in the bed. Then you load the truck up with pumpkins and apples, and head home with your little sleigh of fall festivity. What’s more Christian Girl Autumn than that?

Within the universe of League of Legends, there’s a kpop-inspired group called K/DA. Their most recent comeback, MORE, saw the group adopt a pink-purple-blue iridescent aesthetic that defined the era. It looked exactly like this bike, and it ruled.

The G310R is more or less the same as my own G310GS, just more tuned for paved roads. It’s a fine little machine, a great entryway to the world of motorcycling. Crank “THE BADDEST” in your helmet comms when you ride it, and feel like a legend.

Should I wrap my bike like this?

The proportions on this truck are utterly hilarious to me. It’s too tall in some places, too short in others, too long and too snubbed all at once. It makes absolutely zero sense, and for that I adore it. I would die for this C50, and will someday.

You, however, don’t have to! You can just pay 18 grand for it, and own it, like a normal person would. Just know that someday, my restless spirit will haunt its satin body, bringing joy and woe alike to those unfortunate to cross its path.

There’s a fundamental flaw, unfortunately, in the coupe design. Coupes are beautiful, short in stature without sacrificing a spacious cabin, but they always run into the same issue — the doors. They’re just too long, too inconvenient to open in tight spaces. If you’ve ever brought a two-door to a grocery store, you know this pain.

But this Mustang has a solution: make the doors go up, instead of out. Joke all you want about the design, but this is an entirely practical decision. All coupes should come like this from the factory, actually.

I am haunted by the Volkswagen Cabrio. It lurks in the dark corners of my vision, flitting about on the edge of shadow yet disappearing when focused on. Its boxy lines, front-drive layout, manual transmission and four usable(ish) seats make it my ideal shitbox. I may soon crack under the pressure of wanting one.

This Cabrio, however, I leave to you. Simply put, it’s too nice for my purposes — I’d feel bad letting someone clamber over the sides to reach the back seat. No, this Cabrio deserves a loving owner. It should be you.

More cars should come with beige exteriors and red interiors. Also, turbochargers. Those three factors together make for the perfect vehicle, meaning that this 944 Turbo is the absolute ideal expression of the automotive art form.

The 944 is unfairly maligned, simply because it’s not a 911. Make up whatever reasons you want to justify your hatred, but that’s what it boils down to. If any other company made a front-engine, rear-wheel-drive, sporty two-door hatchback, you’d love it. But this is a Porsche, so the car must be Lesser, for not beating those vaunted digits on its tail. Nay, I say. The 944 is Good.

Rumor has it that Honda will bring back the Transalp soon, as a middleweight adventure bike bearing the new Hornet’s parallel-twin engine. No Honda rep I’ve spoken to would confirm its existence, but at least one did think the bike in the spy shots looked neat. So, there’s that.

Until then, though, we’ll have to live with the original Transalp — the XL600V, ambassador to a bygone era of adventure motorcycling. It’s got the classic Honda colors, a big front wheel decked out in knobby tires, and crash bars over the fairings — what more could you want?

Most people would tell you not to buy someone else’s project. Many would go even further, and tell you that any Craigslist ad featuring three clearly different cars all pretending to be the same one should not be trusted. I, however, disagree — in very specific circumstances. Like, when the car in question is an FJ.

FJ40s go for serious money now, to the point where someone in my hometown now brings them in from South America as a side gig. But this car, or three, or maybe zero, is at that perfect project-car price point. It isn’t clean enough to command full prices, but it’s not unsalvageable. This is the goldilocks zone for car shopping.

The Delta Integrale needs no introduction. It’s a Radwood darling, a rally legend, and features some of the best factory wheels of any vehicle ever. A Delta Integrale is a halo car for many, but this one is special — even beyond the car’s standard capabilities.

The seller for this particular Delta claims it “Runs smooth at all speeds.” Not that it runs smoothly all the way through the tachometer, or even all the way through the speedo. No, this is all speeds — every velocity conceivable to the human mind. We have discovered faster-than-light travel, and it wears four circular headlights.

I love an honest car seller. Someone who knows what they have, for better and for worse — they’ll let you know the highs of their listed car, but won’t hide the lows. This Alfa Romeo has such a seller, and you can tell it from one simple sentence: “This is an Alfa, so while it drives/sounds/handles amazing, there are some issues.”

What more could you want from an Italian car than that? Sleek looks, a great color, fantastic wheels, and reliability that— listen hey it’s fine don’t worry about it. Sure, it may not be “street legal” without “turn signals,” but who needs those?

If I was tempted by the Cabrio, how am I supposed to resist this? It’s the front end of an eighties VW, mashed together with the tail end of that Acty. The mesh wheels, the gold hardware, the green body that would perfectly match my Telecaster. It’s incredible.

Please, reader, buy this Rabbit. Take it off the market before I can get my grubby little mitts all over it. I do not have the money to have desires like these, but I’m unable to resist them. Take it away from me. Shield my eyes.

This Alpina is listed just outside of Newark, NJ, but it’s very clearly actually located in Ontario. For our purposes, however, that’s fine — its age means you can finally bring this car into the United States. Not only that: you should bring it down here.

Alpina makes nice, fast cars nicer and faster, and this B3 is no different. 3.2 liters of raw, whining power, a modified intake, and the classic Alpina wheels make for a package that goes as good as it looks. Possibly even better. For too long, Americans have been denied this car, but no longer. Go claim it.

But, if you’re going to import something, why not go big? Why not dip into your childhood memories of Initial D, and bring back the legendary Lan-Evo? No, none of those boring American-market models, you want the good shit. Raw, untamed, wild.

This Evo II really is that good. It’s listed as “not a collector car,” but “more of a driver’s car.” Or, perhaps more tellingly, a “fixer upper.” That means you can beat on this rally legend to your heart’s content, and never feel like you’re wasting potential Bring A Trailer money on each downshift. It’s perfect.

Go read this blog. Do it right now. I’ll wait. Dopest Cars will still be here when you get back, I promise.

Okay, done? Perfect. Now tell me, with a straight face, that you don’t want a classic 4Runner. Even if you somehow pull it off, perhaps with some sort of CIA interrogation training, I won’t believe you. Go experience the world through a roofless red truck.

You know how none of us will ever get to drive a Formula 1 car? It’s okay, we can all admit it. We won’t experience those absurd five-digit redlines, the feeling of incredible power sweeping us along as the wind desperately tries to wrest our helmets from our heads. I won’t, you won’t, not a single one of us will. And that’s okay, because the Gixxer 1100 exists.

For less than ten grand, you can have all of that. 156 horsepower at 10,000 RPM, in a bike weighing 560 lbs wet, is likely the closest we’ll ever get to F1's incredible speeds. Plus, how can you say no to this paint job?