Forget That Aston Martin Boat, You Want The Mercedes-Benz Yacht

I see your Aston Martin Boat and I raise you with my Mercedes-Benz YACHT.

My fellow Top Echelon Citizens, why on earth would you settle for a boat when you can have a yacht? I know it, you know it and Mercedes knows it too.


That’s why there’s this press photo of said yacht, taken from a motherfucking helicopter.

Pardon my French.

We want the best of the best. We are Veruca Salt, and Daddy just delivered. This is the Arrow460-Granturismo yacht, built from a partnership between Silver Arrows Marine and Mercedes-Benz and people too high-class for spacebars.


We, the tip-top 0.0000000001 percent of the world, want beauty and elegance and trims made from the ligaments of baby antelopes in all 46 feet and six inches of our yachts. We know that laws, and taxes, yes, specifically taxes, do not apply to us. We want to live on the sea, away from the land-dwelling underclass and their bad CBS sitcoms and McRib sandwiches.

We want upholstery that makes a princess weep when she touches it. We want a martini made from those tears.


We’ll keep the extra tears in the built-in chilled wine storage compartment.

From here, we’ll ride the waves into tomorrow, always ahead of the masses, always above the hoi polloi. There really is no better way to enjoy life.


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About the author

Kristen Lee

Writer at Jalopnik and consumer of many noodles.