Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!  

In poetry, a stanza is a rhyming scheme within a fixed number of lines. Contrastingly, today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe Nissan is a Stanza that'll hold not just 5 poets but all their poetic licenses as well. The question is, will its price rhyme with nice?

When it comes to a haunted car, who you gonna' call? Well, for 80% of you the call would go to the seller of yesterday's phantom-infested Mercedes 250 C, the Ghostbusters be damned.


Speaking of that spectral comedy, it was one of the better films to come out of the eighties. You know what else came out of that wonderful decade? A whole generation of minivans, that's what. The eighties didn't invent the minivan, but they sure as shit did see a renaissance during the new wave era. The thing of it is, much like Hammer pants and the one-half of WHAM that's not George Michael, many of the quirky minivans from the ‘80s have all but disappeared.


But not this 1986 Nissan Stanza wagon which not only proudly wears its '80's quirks, but is also resplendent in its metallic gold over brown two-toniness. The Stanza wagon, which shared its name with the company's entry into the mid-size sedan competition, itself did battle with the likes of Chrysler's minivan twins and the Toyota Spacewart. One the key features of the Stanza wagon was its appeal to sufferers of betapilaphobia or the irrational fear of B-pillars. That's because the Stanza has none. Instead, all latching is handled by the floor- and ceiling-mounted locks and opening everything wide provides a gaping expanse not seen since the third act of The Men Who Stare at Goatse.

In lieu of killer Bs, the Stanza offered room for five, styling that was squarer than Stay at Home Barbie, and a t-handle e-brake, which of course everybody loves. Elsewhere called the Prairie, or Multi in America's hat, the Stanza wagon in the US of A came with a 97-bhp 2-litre four, and choice of automatic, or, as in the case of this particular car, a five speed manual.


The seller goes to great lengths in presenting a cautionary tale about buying cars drive-undriven at auction, having so bought this Nissan, and then finding that the transmission housing was in reality a simple depository for the cast off teeth and synchro magic dust that makes the whole thing work. A quick trip to the mechanic and $1,400 later and the Stanza is now claimed to no longer be shiftless. Oh if my mother could make the same claim of yours truly.

Along with the rebuilt tranny, there are a new set of tires, battery, and a few other kibbles and bits added to ensure semi-smooth sailing, which is good. On the has a sad side, the windshield is cracked and there's something knocking in the back that potentially could be a suspension piece, or a hobo the seller ran over and which is now stuck in the back suspension and forcing the need for a quick sale, with no questions asked. I'm just speculating on that last bit.


You are going to be hard pressed to find another Stanza wagon in as nice of shape as this since many Japanese cars from the ‘80s seem to have either gone to the crusher or are moldering in back alleys and the dirt lots of the kinds of apartment complexes that would never be confused with Melrose Place.

A lot of Stanza Wagons fell over the years due to a dearth of confidence in their structural integrity because of the missing door pillar. They're kind of squeaky and rubbery at speed, but keeping the car out of the 9/10s zone should keep things under control. Plus, no B-pillars!

This Stanza wagon is a blast of ‘80s past and is about a quirky a minivan as you could want... short of those other ones from Nissan that turned out to be Easy Bake Ovens. The seller says that his two-giant, two Lab lifestyle doesn't allow room for a van that, well, doesn't allow room for the foursome to sleep in it. And that's all I'm going to say about that. Unlike the seller and his auction acquisition, prospective buyers here will get to sample the car's driving characteristics and not just give it a cursory look-over to ensure that hobo isn't making too much noise or stinking the place up.


Okay, so there's probably no hobo, but at $2,300 what interest would a bindle packer have in this Stanza anyway? You on the other hand might have a vested interest as it's presently the part of the post where I ask you to vote on the particular candidate's specific price, and that's just what we're going to do now. What do you think, is this survivor Nissan worth $2,300 in modern-day cash? Or does that make this a Stanza that causes refrain?

You decide!


Portlandia Craigslist (Put a bird on it!) or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to Daniel Lionroar for the hookup!

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