Here’s the deal. You like NASCAR, but you’re not the type to unbutton (unhook? untie? you don’t know, that’s not your thing) your overalls to show a big “3” for Dale shaved into your chest hair or sunburned onto your skin. You don’t relax in an old, stained recliner with yellowing socks on to watch cars do circles. You’re fancier than that, and we understand. You can’t stop reassuring us of it.
But for you, still self-conscious of how people might give you a judgmental side eye at a party when you truthfully answer their question about which sport you like to watch, that isn’t good enough. You need something more—some physical proof that you are, indeed, one of those rare “fancy” NASCAR fans, through and through. Luckily, your time is now.
You see, as Sports Business Journal writer Adam Stern shared on Twitter this week, NASCAR now has a collection for your kind—definitive proof, if you will, that you all exist, like old dinosaur bones if they were alive, breathing and fancy as hell. You can spend loads of cash on it, and break away from the judgements.
Having a dinner party? Show your friends just how fancy of a Joey Logano fan you are with these $119 cutting boards, $75 coasters, $65 servers and $30 wine glasses, and be sure to point them toward your $299 Dale Earnhardt Jr. lamp as a reminder that he’ll never truly be retired in your heart. (Stay away from the $42 beer mug, as you’d rather not invite lazy stereotypes into your home!)
Be sure to leave the tags on, though, so they know you didn’t pay garage-sale bottom dollar for this stuff. Inconspicuously point to the cutting board and whisper to someone that it’s maple. They totally won’t be distracted with the thought of, “Holy crap, did this person really pay $300 for a Dale Jr. lamp? Did NASCAR just put these prices into a random online number generator?”
Going out? That’s great, too. Only the finest selection of stylish and expensive NASCAR accessories for you.
When the people in public naturally confuse you for a NASCAR executive, you’ll have the perfect opportunity to tell them how narrow minded they are. Finally, someone can.
No longer will you have to hide in the shame of questioning whether the friends around you, both new and old, wonder if you moonlight on the weekends as the straw-chewing, beer-hat-wearing, mullet-liking NASCAR fan they see in their heads. You’re one of the exceptions, and you have the expensive home decor, pearl jewelry and suit accessories to prove it.
Good on you, pal. Good on you.