'Extended Warranty Owner Tim Kaine' Is The Dad Joke We Need Right Now

Image Credit: AP
Image Credit: AP

Last night America met Democratic vice presidential contender Tim Kaine. I wanted to see if he would be a worthy successor to the Gearhead-in-Chief, Vice President Joe Biden. He’s not Uncle Joe, but he is very much the goofy dad of our everyday motoring experiences. The following traits of our next potential VP may or may not be true, but we really hope they are.


Tim Kaine knows he probably won’t need the extended warranty, but he appreciated the salesperson’s candor and wanted to make sure they got a nice commission.

Tim Kaine could easily have afforded the next trim level up. But it didn’t add any benefit, and he doesn’t do “flashy.”

Tim Kaine really has to use the bathroom but he’ll hold it in because the rest stop after this one has better restaurants.

Tim Kaine secretly supercharged the minivan, but not before modifying the filtration system and full cat-back exhaust to prevent an increase in emissions.

Tim Kaine keeps a swear jar for everything above “darn” and empties it once in a while to take everyone out for ice cream.


Tim Kaine will always stop to help someone with a dead battery, and he always pretends to electrocute himself with the jumper cables.

Tim Kaine thought about getting Sirius, but then how would he be able to play all of his old Beach Boys tapes?


Tim Kaine doesn’t just take you to the mall parking lot at 6 am on a Sunday to practice for your driving test, he secretly already went at 4 to set up an autocross course.

Tim Kaine really thought about getting a Prius, but even Tim Kaine isn’t that boring.



some things to note about Tim Kaine’s competition across the isle

Mike Pence owns a brodozer and he rolls coal.

Mike Pence puts truck nuts on his brodozer when the wife and daughters are away, and he bought a pair for his son

Mike Pence bought a range rover from carmax with an extended warranty and enjoys getting over on the system when it breaks.

Mike Pence bought a MB CLK AMG used for the price of a nicely optioned civic but tells everyone he bought it new.

Mike Pence used to own a Chrysler crossfire, because ‘Merica, damnit!

Mike Pence puts NRA and police benevolence society stickers on all his vehicles

Mike Pence would never by a Miata because they’re girl’s cars

Mike Pence once owned a crown vic with a spotlight because he enjoyed having people think he was a cop

Mike Pence has a Jeep with massive LED bar on top and a windshield sticker that says “IF YOU CAN READ THIS ROLL ME OVER” upside down