It seemed impossible to improve on the outstanding field of Index Of Effluency contenders that clanked onto the track at the Arse Freeze-A-Palooza LeMons last December. We were seriously mistaken!
The Goin' For Broken 24 Hours Of LeMons event at Reno-Fernley Raceway next month promises to be a parts-shedding, rod-throwing, heroic-fixing extravaganza of effluence. In addition to the Chevy Corvair and Peugeot 505 Turbo, we'll be seeing the pride of British Leyland (MGB, TR7), a '64 Buick Skylark, a Dodge Caravan Turbo, two Datsun B210s, a '74 Capri, a CRX-based Fauxrrari (yes!), a '91 Cadillac Eldorado, and a '77 Chevy Monza... and that's just for starters. The absurdity awesomeness of the still-classified Evil Genius Black Ops Machine will make your heads explode (probably in concert with its own on-track explosion), a wolf pack of 8 Volkswagens will be burning up the track, and the Taurus SHO and Fiero crews will get the opportunity to demonstrate their mechanical prowess in the inevitable all-night wrench-fest.
What's the one thing that could make such a race even better? You got it: legal gambling! That killjoy Chief Perp Lamm put the kibosh on our plans to have the LeMons Supreme Court accept wagers on teams- some nonsense about the so-called ethically questionable concept of officials in a position to influence the outcome of the race having a financial interest in certain outcomes - but we'll be doing all we can to encourage trash-talking and serious betting between teams. You E30 guys think you can beat the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys' Peugeot? And how about the Cape Coventry Triumph versus the Killer Bees MGB- who will win the British Disease Sweepstakes? Money, meet mouth! You'll be sure to find your action covered at the track! As for the usual Guess The Effluency Laps contest, we're going to skip it this time around, due to the vast field of IOE contenders at the Goin' For Broken race; you'll just need to come to the race in person and find some sucker willing to take 10:1 odds on the Monza taking the checkered flag. By the way, Japanfor, you won the LeMons South lap-guessing contest, so email me and I'll get those fabulous prizes headed your way.
And now, the not-totally-complete team list for the 2009 Goin' For Broken 24 Hours Of LeMons:
1320 Tuners, 1989 Ford Taurus
Absolute LeMon Motorsports, 1987 BMW 325
Automatica, 1990 BMW 325iC
B210 Racing, 1977 Datsun B210
B210B Racing, 1977 Datsun B210
Bailout Racing, 1986 Mazda RX-7
Bernal Dads Racing, 1984 Volvo 245
Biting Monkey Racing, 1984 Honda Accord
Black Ops, 1987 ♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠ ♣♦♥♠♣♦♥♠
Blanco Basura Racing, 1991 Honda Quaalude
Boxwrench Garage, 1989 Saab 900 Turbo
B-Team, 1986 BMW 325e
Bunny With a Pancake On Its Head, 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit
Caffeine Unlimited, 1987 BMW 325is
Cape Coventry Racing, 1979 Triumph TR7
Carpet Pissers, 1985 Honda CRX
Chim Chim Racing, 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit GTI
Craptastic, 1992 Nissan Sentra
Crash Test Dummies, 1986 BMW 325e
D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F., 1990 Honda CRX
Deepest Valley Racing, 1988 Chevrolet Caprice
Deja Moo (formerly GI SHO), 1989 Ford Taurus SHO
Delta Force, 1989 Toyota Celica
Down Under Team, 1995 Dodge Stealth
Dungeons and Dragsters, 1974 Ford Capri
Dust n Debris, 1994 Dodge Shadow
Econo Classed, 1987 Volkswagen Golf
Ecurie Ecrappe Autodenta, 1971 Alfa Romeo 4C2000LM Toppo Tronca
Eyesore Racing, 1994 Mazda Miata(s)
Fancy Junc, 1990 Acura Integra
Fast Times Racing, 1979 Chevrolet Camaro
Festivas for the Rest of Us, 1989 Ford Festiva
Flat Tire Racing, 1986 Nissan 300ZX
Formula BMW, 1986 BMW 325e
Frak This Racing, 1976 Datsun 280Z
Frankenstang Racing, 1987 Ford Mustang
Free Range Racing, 1988 Toyota MR2
Geo Metro-Gnome, 1990 Geo Metro
GFY Racing, 1980 BMW 528i
Gold Leaves/Arcane Racing, 1978 BMW 530i
HALLINASSASSINATORS, 1987 Pontiac Firebird
Hanky Too, 1977 Datsun 280Z
HRC Racing, 1986 Honda Prelude
Huey Newis and the Lose, 1985 Ford Mustang
I Wanna Roc, 1989 Chevrolet Camaro IROC-Z
Junk Yard Kats, 1983 Nissan 280ZX Turbo
Junkyard Dogs, 1983 Toyota Supra
Killer Bees, 1977 MGB
Knights of the Round Track, 1987 Toyota MR2
LeMon Demolition, 1989 Honda CRX
LeMons Fire Department, 1991 Mazda Miata
LeMons Vice, 1988 Hondararri CRXtarossa
Let It Ride, 1990 Honda CRX
L'il Smokey and the Bandit Racing, 1987 Toyota MR2
Lipstick on a Pig, 1991 Nissan Sentra SE-R
Mustard Yellow Volvo Going 45 in the Fast Lane, 1984 Volvo 244
Mysteries Inc. Racing, 1989 Plymouth Voyager Turbo
Old Fart Racing, 1964 Buick Skylark
OLD Fast Auto Racing Team and Son, 1987 Porsche 924S
Pandamonium Racing, 1990 BMW 325i
Phony Express, 1980 Honda Accord
Pit Crew Revenge, 1990 Honda Civic
Pontihack, 1986 Pontihack Fiero
Rasta Racers, 1989 Volvo 740 Turbo
Redneck Racing Team (RRT), 1991 Cadillac Eldorado
Reversed Darwinism, 1997 Ford Crown Victoria
Rockerz in Dockerz, 1987 Ford Mustang
Saabs Gone Wild, 1987 Saab 900 Turbo
San Jose Scalawags, 1990 Mazda Miata
Scandanavian Pricks, 1991 Volvo 940
Shelby "Arr" Model, 1965 Ford Mustang
Sin City LeMons, 1985 Volkswagen GTI
Size Matters By Plymouth, 1967 Plymouth Fury III
Skid Road Racing, 1977 Chevrolet Camaro
Snobs Race Too, Toyota MR2
Snowspeeder Pilots Association, 1985 Toyota MR2
Squirrels of Fury I, 1982 Volkswagen Scirocco
Squirrels of Fury II, 1982 Audi 4000
Stars & Stripes Racing Team, 1984 Mazda RX7
Team California Mille, 1979 Alfa Romeo Alfetta GT
Team California Mille #2, 1976 Alfa Romeo Alfetta GT
Team Can't Am, 1983 Volvo 242 Turbo
Team Chevy High Performance, 1983 Chevrolet Camaro
Team Hurling Moss, 1976 BMW 2002
Team Nerd Herd A, 1978 Toyota Celica
Team Nerd Herd B, 1986 Toyota MR2
Team Red Fluffy Bear, 1986 BMW 325
Team Stimulus Package, 1984 Honda Civic
Team Tread Lightly, 1987 Volkswagen Golf GTI
Team VIP, 1983 BMW 528e
The Cajun Coonasses, 1977 Chevrolet Monza
The Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys, 1988 Peugeot 505 Turbo S
The UNDERGROUND, 1985 Nissan 300ZX Turbo
U 56, 1985 BMW 325e
Unsafe at Any Speed, 1965 Chevrolet Corvair
USS Tercelator, 1987 Mazda 626
Volatile RAM, 1987 Toyota MR2
WAAAGH!, 1984 Ford Mustang
World Talent Force (WTF), 1991 Honda Civic Si
ZZ Uber Das Driver Presents: Spy vs. Spy, 1983 Volkswagen GTI
ZZ Uber II, 1983 Volkswagen GTI
Here are links to the Top Lemons Of LeMons posts for all the races we've covered so far:
And here's a nice LeMons South Spring '09 video, put together by the Poor Man's Derrike Cope team. These guys showed up with a pretty straight-looking mid-90s Honda Accord, which maybe could have been obtained for a legit 500 bucks... if not for the badass H22 Prelude engine under the hood. Whoops! Without that 75-lap BS Inspection penalty, this team would have won the race by a dozen or so laps (watch how that H22 lets them out-drag everything on the straights), but they had a sense of humor about the judicial process and went out and had a good time on the racetrack.