Dear Daniel aka The Street King, Don't Advertise For Illegal Street Racing On Craigslist

Illustration for article titled Dear Daniel aka The Street King, Don't Advertise For Illegal Street Racing On Craigslist

What better way to get into illegal street racing than to post your name, phone number, and a picture of you and your outdated Lexus on the internet, for everyone to see? Daniel, aka The Street King, apparently did just that, and even offered to race for pink slips.

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Wait, wait. Pink slips? Gimme a minute to grab the pomade and fix my ducktail. What is this, Grease? Which McMansion housing development did this jaunty young clown come from? We have news for you, oh Prince of the Pavement: keep this up and you're going to get arrested.

Here's the full text, in all of its unadulterated glory:

Im looking for a place to meet other street racers to race. I run for cash or pink slips, $500 minimum. Hit me up with some details and make sure you bring a fast car. Call or text me @ 229-327-6031 ask for Daniel aka The Street King

Pic related, its me and my ride, yeah its a Lexus, im rich, deal with it.

Of course, there's a chance that the ol' street king is only joking — the general tone of this ad, and the suggestion that an old Lexus means he's rich certainly crosses a distinct line between reality and utter absurdity. There's probably an even better chance that his friends found these lame pictures he'd taken of himself, then decided it would be funny to chief him on Craigslist.

There's only one problem. First, that reasoning assumes Danny boy (or his young cronies) are actually joking. It also assumes that cops have a sense of humor, which many of them don't.

I'd never encourage anyone to sell drugs, but if you're desperate, I'm thinking slanging a little weed would probably be a safer way to make a quick five hundo. But seriously, do yourself a favor kid. Stay as far away from a life of crime as possible. That last photo you took of yourself doesn't bode well for your abilities to fend off unwanted attention in the slammer.

Illustration for article titled Dear Daniel aka The Street King, Don't Advertise For Illegal Street Racing On Craigslist
Illustration for article titled Dear Daniel aka The Street King, Don't Advertise For Illegal Street Racing On Craigslist
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Illustration for article titled Dear Daniel aka The Street King, Don't Advertise For Illegal Street Racing On Craigslist

(Hat tip to Joe!)

Photo credit: Craigslist

DISCUSSION

ash78
Ash78, voting early and often

"offered to race for pink slips."

Daniel, the reason I brought you into my office is to talk about your behavior outside of work. As you know, when you were hired, you signed Office Max's Code of Conduct which stated that your actions outside of the sales floor were a reflection of our company values. Now I know you guys like to get together behind the old Hobby Lobby next door and do your little Fast and Furious routine between the loading docks. But the other day I got not one, but two separate complaints from the manager of Men's Wearhouse and Petco. They say you almost ran over one of their employees and that you've been playing this "Dubstop" or "Twostep" or whatever it is, at really loud volumes.

Now put yourself in my shoes. I've warned you about your behavior before, like smoking in front of the store on your break, and your inappropriate relationship with Teresa the cashier. The day her husband came to the store, I almost had to call the police. But this latest action is just going too far. I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go. I'll escort you to the time clock and you'll still get paid on Friday. Please leave your shirt and badge on the table.