General Motors never built a production version of the 1954 Chevy Nomad concept, the wagon based off the first-generation Corvette, but that hasn't stopped others from putting tremendous amounts of brain matter into answering "What if?" Like the Superior 54 Sport Wagon, a modern version of the Nomad built around C5 Corvette bits, only 50 of which will be built for the price of $125,000. FriscoFairlane may not have similar fabrication skills nor bravery to market such an idea — but our post on a twin-turbo Caddy did give him inspiration for what Lincoln should do:
Dear Lincoln,
How come you aren't doing anything about this? Don't you feel threatened; like your little, shriveled balls are being stomped on? I know all that you have right now are tarted-up Tauruses, Fusions and Edges and there is not much that can be done ultra-performance wise with that badge-engineered front-wheel-drive pile of dry dog turd that Lincoln calls a car lineup. I do seriously feel for you.
You are like Fat Elvis hanging out with Church-boy Johnny Cash and a couple of your retarded cousins. There is just not much that you can do to be cool anymore. You are old, fat, and born-again. Things really could not get any worse.
Unless of course you can get that tough Mustang homeboy to come over, then you can beat him up, steal his platform (which I am pretty sure was stolen from you in the first place, that shit is rightfully yours) and stretch that bitch out in all directions. Put down the bible and the PB& bacon, and put in some work on the suspension and throw your old ass balls to the wall and bolt some turbos and direct injection to that 5.0, and you have a Mother-Fucking Lincoln. You can even call it the Lincoln MF, just to be sure that nobody thinks it is a joke. "Yea, that means 'Mother Fucker,' mother fucker," you will say.
Come on guys, you can be skinny Elvis and weed-smoking, cocaine huffing, heavy drinking Johnny Cash again if you really try. If you keep your current gig up, you are going to end up dead on the toilet with your pants down in a few months. Please don't let us see you that way.
Best,
FriscoFairlane