COTD: A trip through Dirk Pitt's garage edition

Author Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt series doesn't just draw from Cussler's own imagination, but also his garage — a sprawling antique car collection that includes such notables as the ever-lustful Cadillac V-16. MaxxCravesTheOldGizmodo will never earn enough to buy even a Caddy V-16 badge off his Jalopnik comments, but this one about Russian truck racing is still worth remembering:

Vell, I vas drivink down on ze back stretch, gettink ready to pull around Anatoly, and ah all ov a zudden I vas just mindink my own bizness – BAM! It Hit me hard, right from zeE back! I vas glued to ze zeat, like havin polar bear in lap, or Sergei's vife, and I vas like "Wuuughghghghgh!

I could see ze ZIL in-front ov me, I vas about to hit him zo I kind ov veered off this vay and az I veered off this vay ze guy vho hit me veered off ze other vay and he hit ze ze spektators, flipped over, rolled over, run into ze electrical pole and I didn't know he hit ze pole and all ov zudden I kind ov stopped and I vas like vuuughhhhhhh! And ah, ze vires come down then BOOOM – then arrrrk – boom – rrrrr boom – fire vas comink everywhere arkink zparkink blowin' up! I zaw one ark go from ze corner ov my ZIL up to ze ZIL behind me. I vas like a big rainbow BOOOOOOM!! And it vas comink out BOOM BOOM and everyone's like GEEZ, zo I – I opened up my door – ____ no metal. And as I come up, I started to touch ze top and a little zpark startink to jump – and I zaid: "Whooooooa"! I stepped out this vay! Luckily I didn't get burned more.

Ah, it vas crazy, dude. Totally out ov ze blue, I mean – it vas – I vas just zitink there and I vas like BOOOOOOM!!! Reality zhe hits you hard bro!

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DISCUSSION

Congratulations, Mr. MaxxCravesTheOldGizmodo:, on your your very funny COTD today! My award to you is an old Russian truck which this lovely lady will bring to you very soon, if she doesn't fall on her face first.