COTD: A lesser cardinal edition

Those crazy Italians. They sure have a lot of passione. In fact, they have more passione per capita than the next 300 countries combined. That's a lot of passione. It's why the Italians build cars people love, and why sometimes they have to, you know, fudge a bit when things go askew.

In the scenario laid out by jacquelinealbright, as per today's story of the flaming FF, Ferrari boss Luca Cordero Bucatini Con Carne Gesundheit di Montezemolo must explain to a German branch manager why another of the company's cars has gone up in flames. Fade in.


"Maranello central office, Maria speaking. Mr Montzemolo? Hang on, let me see if he's free."
"Sir, I have one of our German branch managers on the line, he seems quite agitated. Can you speak to him?"
*sigh* "What now... sure Maria, put him on speakerphone."
"Yessir." *beep*
"Deitrich! How are you? Is everything OK?"
"I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm afraid it's happened again."
*passionate Italian swearing ensues, while Dietrich waits patiently on the other line*
"OK, let me call our PR people. Maria, get Alfredo in here now."
"Sir, I got here as soon as I could when I heard."
"Talk to Dietrich, will you? He wants to know what to do."
"OK, sir. Dietrich, are you there? It's Alfredo. Tell me, was the driver one of our preferred customers, or just regular one?"
"Let me see... he was a preferred customer."
"Dammit. OK, we can't blame him. Were there any cameras around?"
"I'm afraid that a couple people did take some videos."
"OK, that rules out arson by Porschephiles."
"Say, how did we deal with the 458 fire that happened a couple months ago?"
"We blamed Chris Harris, Mr. Montezemolo."
"Let me think... wait, when he bought the car, did he take it to Vatican to be blessed?"
"No, I think he wanted to, but the Pope was out of the country at the time, so a lesser cardinal did it."
"AHA! I have a solution, sir! Dietrich, see if you can find the name of that cardinal for me."
"Excellent work, Alfredo. I expect a press-release on Monday."
"Consider it done, Mr. Montezemolo."


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