Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton Can't Park

Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton is a fiesty firebrand, and a largely respected non-voting delegate for her constituents in Washington, DC. She also doesn’t appear to understand the concept of angled parking, hitting another car in the process, and it makes you sad for the 77-year old more than anything else.

In fact, the one person I don’t feel bad for isn’t the Congresswoman and vaunted civil rights advocate, nor the victim of her botched parking job, but the sycophantic aide who appears to be doing the worst job possible at helping her.

Who among us hath committed naught but perfect parking, every single time, let them cast the first stone.


But who the hell is summoned to help with a potentially bad parking job, sees the driver do it horrifically, and then appears to just go “yep, great job! Now, on with the day.” Clearly, Congresswoman Norton needs more help than others, as she’s so oblivious to how bad of a job she did that she goes back to retrieve something from her car, and doesn’t realize that she did the opposite of what’s good.

However you, sir, in the navy blue suit, you gotta do something for your boss. Hell, even ask to borrow her keys, just so you could fix it.

Nevertheless, it appears Norton and Blue Suit Guy went about their business, without leaving a note to the person in the red Nissan next to her. But apparently that situation was remedied, via Roll Call:

Norton’s office disputes that anything untoward transpired.

“After the Congresswoman parked her car, we assessed the cars on either side to see if there was any damage. We could not find any,” a Norton aide assured HOH. “But we left a note with a business card so the congresswoman could be contacted in case we missed any.”

According to Team Norton, the congressional staffer who owns the truck that was boxed in by the septuagenarian pol reached out to her office about the videotaped scrape.

“The Congresswoman heard from the owner of the only car she was close enough to damage. The owner reported no damage,” a Norton spokesman said via email.


Congresswoman Norton, if you ever need help getting into a spot, feel free to call us. Because the American People deserve better.

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Time to turn in the keys dear. If you can't understand basic road markings, you probably shouldn't be leaving your driveway.