When you go to a showplace of cinematic stories do not, dear friends, change your mind at the ticket distribution office and select another talking picture. I'm not sure what I was going to see when I explained to my wife that we'd be better off catching The Ten but I was wrong. The Ten seemed like a perfect fit given my enjoyment of The State and appreciation of Wet Hot American Summer in college. Nope. Just because you like those two things does not mean you'll enjoy The Ten. The eight people who watched Stella out there know what I'm gabbing about. You're much better off seeing The Dealogue, which is much funnier and also about The Ten Commandments. Or if you'd rather get Old Testament without having to change your Netflix queue you can just read Nurburgring's comment from Wert's post about The Holy Bible: Stock Car Racing Edition.
And on the first day God said: Let there be light, so the track is always lit and the cars can put on stickers and save weight.
God saw that the idea was good, but still kind of stupid, so he decided to add several unnecessary sponsors including, but not limited to: Taco Bell, Burger King, DuPont, and Big Red.
God called Bill France Sr, and asked him to head this operation, because no one knows how to git-r-done more than the Southerners.
And God said, let there be several tracks at several locations, but none with any right turns. God changed him mind because of European Immigrants who missed F1 and added Watkins Glen and Infineon.
God put the track days on Sunday, because after Church fans could go to a tailgate party and talk about Splitter effectiveness while getting completely hammered.
And God said: Let the cars be tuned Stock Cars, to "Buy on Sunday, Sell on Monday", with an eventual decline in realism from the actual cars.
And God Said: Let the fans buy hundreds of dollars of ridiculous merchandise, from Jackets to Cups to vintage napkins.
The Plan worked, and soon this racing was the fastest growing sport in America.
And God said: Let this new sport be crowned the jewel of the South, even beyond Cotton and the Dallas Cowboys.
And God called the new sport: NASCAR.
You worked for it.