I'd argue the biggest hazard of automotive reviewing isn't fellating the manufacture or overusing personal experience — bad ideas though they are — it's falling into a formula. It's so easy to copy-and-paste one review into another to create a template for describing cars. Especially boring cars. Differentiating a mid-size sedan from its bland competition can be quite the challenge, but it's always best to reference obscure 17th century Prussian poetry instead of re-writing the same review. Lean too hard on a formula and you likely won't lose your job, like some poor abandoned robot, but you may end up being lampooned by armyofchuckness.
The (nationality) have done it again! I recently had the (noun) of taking the new (marque) (model) on a (duration of time) journey across (iconic driving location). At first, I was (adjective) about the idea of such a (noun) in a vehicle of such (adjective) pedigree, but after sliding behind the wheel, I knew it would be a drive I would forever (emotion verb).
As they have for years, (marque) continues in its tradition of creating (adjective) cars brimming with (emotion) and (description of quality), but what surprised me the most was the (amount) of (noun) the new (model) exhibits. On the straightaways, it accelerates like a (animal or occupation) in a (relating or unexpected location to animal or occupation). Put it in a turn, though, and suddenly it's (behavior) like a (different animal) in a (unexpected location for humorous effect)!
I absolutely (emotion verb) this car! It's the ideal vehicle for the (person) who really wants (action verb) at the new (social event).
Yes, the (nationality) have definitely done it again, all right...and this time, it's more (adjective) than (noun).
You're hired!